Just had these sent to me and I thought I should share them because:
A. I loved them
B. We can all use a laugh
C. I'd like to set a happier tone for 2014...ENJOY!
Winston Churchill loved figures of speech in which the
latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected. (But these aren't his phrases)
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station .
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR."
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
Finally:
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now a days it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one. (Z: boy, they could have left THAT one out, huh?, in keeping with the 'fun' sentiment of my post!?) :)
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station .
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR."
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
Finally:
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now a days it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one. (Z: boy, they could have left THAT one out, huh?, in keeping with the 'fun' sentiment of my post!?) :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL...........Happiness, Health, Holiness............
Z
xxx
44 comments:
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
No kidding!
The older I get, the more nostalgia has a stronger element of sadness.
Another run around the sun.
I'm tired already.
Happy New Year!
Z - I think I like #20.
Happy New Year to you and all of your commenters.
Sue.." I think.." THAT is funny..indecisive again!?
Happy New Year to you, too
Ed, I so know what you mean!
AOW...that would be a good additional sentence on the list. SO true.
Same to you, Thersites...
It took more than 200 years for the U.S. national debt to reach 1 trillion dollars.
In 1986, the U.S. national debt reached 2 trillion dollars.
In 1992, the U.S. national debt reached 4 trillion dollars.
In 2005, the U.S. national debt doubled again and reached 8 trillion dollars.
Now the U.S. national debt is about to cross the 16 trillion dollar mark. How long can this kind of exponential growth go on?
Remember all of you beatniks, and dirty slobs protesting in the streets during the Bush Administration years? I sure do. Where are you today?
Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
--- Satchel Paige
Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines.
--
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
--
If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.
--
Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.
-- Satchel Paige
The mind like a pool of water, reflects best when still and undisturbed.
God give me patience but give it to me now.
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
The philosophy of the school room in one generation will be the philosophy of the government in the next...Abe Lincoln.
Ducky...I'm so 100% behind that prayer one, particularly. but all of yours are excellent.
Imp...good ones. That driveway/parkway one is hilarious
I just turned on a rerun of the Rose Parade to see a gay couple being married on top of a float.
But, Phil Robertson got SMEARED amazingly for his view that's pro traditional marriage...yet a gay couple can be married on a float and all the world needs to shut up about it?
Just wondering what you thought...
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!
I have to mention that Vin Scully is the Grand Marshal of the Rose Parade!
I can't think of anyone who deserves this honor, more than Vinnie. A wonderful man, and a Dodger through and through. I love him, his professionalism and his decency.
Hi, Pris! Isn't that fantastic...I swear the guy's barely aged in all these years. I used to say his voice was the soundtrack of my childhood summers..... Glorious that he was chosen for this 125th Rose Parade..you're right.
Even though 4 is my favorite, 7 is quite profound: Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. How often do we hire 'experts' for their knowledge and conflate that with wisdom?
An empty vessel makes the loudest sound. Shakespeare.
And I cannot resist this one, from a book on humility: "We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm." Churchill. :)
Hi Z,
Yes, Vinnie looks and sounds great after all these years, and this is glorious!
Z - "But, Phil Robertson got SMEARED amazingly for his view that's pro traditional marriage...yet a gay couple can be married on a float and all the world needs to shut up about it?"
Who is saying that the world needs to shut up about it? Certainly not the folks calling for boycotting the Rose Parade.
CI; maybe you just don't understand my point? It was DONE, it was PERMITTED, do you understand?
So far in America, parents have the right to have their children exposed to what they want them exposed to. The Rose Parade's marriage of a gay couple might not be that.
So today, in 2013, we're so sophisticated that even the Rose Parade needs a censorship warning to parents who don't want their young children exposed to that? Do we really need to start rating the Rose Parade?
I haven't heard a word about any boycott of the Rose Parade....had to Google and finally found a mention.
The Rose Parade people say it represents their theme this year of "Dreams Come True"....
So, they've decided what and whose dreams come true. It isn't a dream come true for at least half of America.
Phil Robertson was an interview in GQ, which isn't widely read, let alone by children......
Sad. Very sad. I'm hoping that, next year, they might have a nude couple representing nudism if the theme happens to be something like "Let yourself GO!!"
but, by then, we're be so corrupt we will have to have a rating on what was once such an innocent, unpolitical, traditional parade.
Z -"maybe you just don't understand my point? It was DONE, it was PERMITTED, do you understand?"
I certainly might not understand, as I'm still wondering who is telling the whole world to shut up about it.
"So far in America, parents have the right to have their children exposed to what they want them exposed to."
Yep. And if the inclusion of one float that celebrated a beginning of a committed and loving relationship bothered atone, they could either not attend or change the channel for a moment.
"I haven't heard a word about any boycott of the Rose Parade....had to Google and finally found a mention."
You'd think if the media was so liberally biased, you'd have heard about it...strange huh?
"So today, in 2013, we're so sophisticated that even the Rose Parade needs a censorship warning to parents who don't want their young children exposed to that?"
Well, it's 2014...and why would the parade need a censorship warning? Was their nudity or graphic violence I wasn't aware of?
"So, they've decided what and whose dreams come true. It isn't a dream come true for at least half of America."
No. The Rose Parade Committee decided which floats could take part in the parade...which is an act utterly unconnected with what dreams you or I would like to have come true. And do you now advocate that one half of America should retain veto power over the other half of America, especially in a private enterprise?
"by then, we're be so corrupt we will have to have a rating on what was once such an innocent, unpolitical, traditional parade."
I'm perplexed by your characterization of committed, stable, monogamous and loving relationships between consenting adults. Gay relationships are no more or less sexual or corrupt than hetero relationships.
CI...good for YOU! You have your beliefs and I have mine. And I'm so sorry you're "perplexed," but you'll just have to remain so, I guess.
By the way, your answers are so convoluted that it's breath taking....."utterly unconnected from dreams.." are you kidding? :-) Insinuating I want the Rose parade to fulfill any dreams other than those of a happy young family watching what they hope to be a wholesome, fun, censorship-proof morning?
Thanks..and Happy new Year to you.
CI, The point is that it is a controversial issue.
And for those of us who see this as an abomination, this was a slap in our face.
It's not 1999 anymore ??
Anyway, Some great ones there. 12, 19,21 my favs
How about - Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until next month.
Not really the same things but Why is bra singular and panties plural ?
Z, I like the idea of the nude people float for next year.
And I condemn the Rose Parade for not including a Hetero couple marriage as well as a Black couple and a Lesbian couple marriage float. This is blatant discrimination.
CI’s right. We need more public decadence.
i'm done
@Ci:
"Gay relationships are no more or less sexual..."
Crap...that's why the streets of SF are filled with chaps and mens bare asses, salivating over each others hairy butt as if it were a happy meal. Meanwhile performing fellatio on each other as the kiddies look on. It's all about SEX with the GayStopo.
You may be OK with sodomy...but millions of are disgusted by it. And don't give me the blather about two consenting adults performing a sex act that a sow wouldn't engage in.
Imp, you are so right, sadly.
I was in an industry with a lot of gay men (not hairdressing, by the way, just to be clear) and the ones I was closest to ALL laughed at gay MARRIAGE..they were more promiscuous than ANY straight promiscuous person I knew (and I KNEW them, trust me :-) and all said it was "agenda, nothing more"
Now, I also had two VERy good gay couple friends in their seventies who'd lived together for about 30 years each and they were completely satisfied with their relationships and I ADORED them. Wise, fun, artistic, musical..fabulous men. I was in my twenties and they were much older but we loved each other.
AND, they didn't miss being married and we often discussed how it only took going to a lawyer to settle legal situations like visiting in the hospital, last testaments, etc......no problem.
They were so content. Man, I loved those four men
but, we're not here to reinvent the gay wheel , are we.
Today was a HUGE red letter day for secularists who saw their goals achieved.
If you don't believe in Scripture, you were a VERy happy person today! And, trust me, as most of you know...no Christian HATES GAYS and it's tiresome getting that insinuated..soo unfair, painful and tiresome
@CI:
Here's a little glimpse of those "no more or less sexual" that you're defending. Look close to see if you find any heteros or straights doing the same.
http://zombietime.com/rally_for_nudity_sf_10-20-12/
Hat tip to Kid for that last link too.
@z ---
Today was a HUGE red letter day for secularists who saw their goals achieved.
---
What goals?
You lost the gay marriage battle long ago.
But Duck Dynasty merchandise is flying off the shelf and Phil will be front and center for the next season.
Have you seen the clip of Phil recommending men marry 15 year olds?
Child brides and beards. Guy has to be Muslim.
Phil is absolutely one of a kind
Ducky, we didn't lose the gay marriage battle; America did.
As for Robertson..who cares?
I don't idolize anybody nor do I think everybody's right or wrong on everything..sorry.
You knock yourself out digging up stuff and slamming him; honestly? I hadn't heard of Ducky Dynasty beyond a brief mention until this all came down.
I'm hoping gay marriage is just the thing our society needs....
it's here.....
I'm a Christian who doesn't believe in it because I don't pick and choose what I like or don't like in Scripture.....Plus, I have gay friends who laugh about gay marriage and say they wouldn't marry on a bet and this is all about agenda, but let's hope ALL gay marriages last forever and everybody's happy.
It's all we've gone anymore.
Oh, and Ducky.."one of a kind""
"has to be a Muslim" because of child brides and beards?
Don't look now, but being like a muslim is hardly 'one of a kind'..there are MILLIONS of muslims who side with Robertson on those subjects; must drive you nuts :-)
Z - "By the way, your answers are so convoluted that it's breath taking....."utterly unconnected from dreams.." are you kidding?"
It would help I suppose if you had read/quoted my statement in its entirety. But I will clarifiy; the Rose Committee chose a theme for the 2013 parade. That theme is shared by millions of Americans, but the committee is under no obligation to ensure that the theme is shared by you or I. You seem to take offense that this single float isn't included in what you desire, but seemingly disregard when that desire is shared by others. For many of us, marriage is a wholesome act when entered into by loving and committed adults.
Please clarify the comments of 'censorship'.
"Today was a HUGE red letter day for secularists who saw their goals achieved."
I won't speak for secularists, but it has certainly been a banner year for civil libertarians [in this instance, but not others....NSA, I see you reading this]. That's the beauty of belief in Biblical law...it applies to the believer...not everyone else that a believer would desire it be forced upon.
"I'm a Christian who doesn't believe in it because I don't pick and choose what I like or don't like in Scripture."
You follow ALL edicts of Levitical Law? Even the Amish would be jealous of you.....
Ed - "And for those of us who see this as an abomination, this was a slap in our face."
Yet you see sin everyday, do you not? Why does this act celebrating love and committment seemingly offend more than others? And wan't Z saying on a recent [Phil Robertson] post that Conservatives stand head and shoulders above Liberals for their ability to merely turn the page or channel, to avoid exposure to things they disagree with......as opposed to raising one's public voice about it?
Personally, I believe that low information voters and ignorant people in general are a direct threat to the economic well being and civil liberties of my children's generation. Should I be able to demand suppression of those people, based on my beliefs?
Imp - "You may be OK with sodomy...but millions of are disgusted by it. And don't give me the blather about two consenting adults performing a sex act that a sow wouldn't engage in."
I am OK with sodomy, and millions upon millions are engaging in it each and every day. I have a bit of disbelief that you have never as well....and please remember the actual definition of the acts, rather than the one act you're clearly focused on [and one that isn't practised by all gay men (or women)].
"Men go to jail if they dare do this to a woman too."
Could you clarify this please?
CI, your insults are beyond the pale.
I suggest we're "head and shoulders above liberals" or I suggest it's possible that conservatives just understand they can turn a page? Big difference.
You're just here to belittle and, supposedly, educate. It's not welcome.
Thanks
Where did I insult? While I paraphrased, you did indeed make the following statement:
"why can't people get over being offended? Turn off your TV (I do if I feel offended, or change the channel), turn the page if you don't like what Robertson or anybody else says."
And:
"WE'RE A KIND OF TOLERANT BUNCH WHO RECOGNIZES THAT IF WE DON'T LIKE WHAT HE SAID IN AN INTERVIEW, WE CAN JUST TURN TO THE NEXT ARTICLE, AND SAY 'THAT'S HIS OPINION...'. "
Duck, my first 8 wives were 15 when we got hitched. Not a Dad Blame thing wrong with it.
Now,let's queue up something more important that what Matilda Hornschwaggle or Dopie McGillicutty had to say at last week's after Saturday bath time dance.
Whaddya say. Or do you like being ld around by the nose (it is the nose isn't it?) by the MORON Media ???
Or heck, how about a good cookie recipe? It's Coooooooooold outside don't ya know.
"Conservatives stand head and shoulders above Liberals for their ability to merely turn the page or channel"
Did what you quoted have a superior air? REALLY?
Thanks,. CI....exactly. Do you see any animosity in what I'd written:? Enough to write what you did above? "Stand head and shoulders?"
I'm done...all the best.
Imp - Lighten up Francis, I didn't accuse you of anything. You DO understand the definition of the word you employed, don't you?
Z - Was there any animosity in what I wrote? I merely questioned and then employed the same theme that you wrote. I paraphrased, as I didn't have your quotes at the time....but are you truly offended at how I characterized it? No insult was intended.....but nontheless I fail to see how what I wrote rose to "insults, beyond the pale".
CI...too exhausted with your circular arguments........
And, really, NO WORRIES~! Doesn't bother me a bit; just sort of interesting to watch.
No worries here either.....I'm merely interested in how people arrive at the conclusions they do.
Though I know I can come off as obnoxious to some.....I really am just inquisitive. The best way to bring out analysis is through questions about how people form their positions.
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