Saturday, January 29, 2011

Divorce........American Style?

DIVORCE AGREEMENT
Fabulous stuff below; You've probably seen this before but I hadn't and I had to post it..enjoy...z. Thanks to SilvrLady for emailing it to me.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

  We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

  Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
  Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure
 our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

  We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.  We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them. :-)

  We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street (Z: we'll also keep whatever wonderful Mama-Papa businesses that you haven't driven out of business yet). You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

  You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

  We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

  We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

  You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

  We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
  Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. 
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P. S.  And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country. 


Z:  Anything you'd like to add to the divorce agreement? :-)  
 

28 comments:

beamish said...

I don't think it would work. Some sort of ugly custody battle over land development would result.

The right-wingers would want to build a factory producing profitable products that improve the lives of their consumers and provide employment and a self-perpetuating higher standard of living to the community it is built in.

The left-wingers would argue that that land-use idea is far too polluting than their idea for a less environmentally impacting collective farm worked by enslaved manual laborers contracted out as wards of an ever powerful central planning bureaucracy that would even presume to legislate the weather itself if it could.

In fact, this fight is as old as history itself.

Opus #6 said...

The lefties would sit around waiting for handouts that aren't coming. Then they would become bitter and radicalized.

beamish said...

And now your files on the sick and twisted mind of all leftists:

Genghis Khan: Environmentalist Hero

Ducky's here said...

You get to keep slavery and child labor too.

Chuck said...

Duck, we'll leave you with elective abortions. You won't have to worry about child labor then.

beakerkin said...

Duncy

Glad you wrote about slavery and child labor.

Religious folks like Z were the type of people who risked their lives to end slavery. Your type create new plantations and call them communes and gulags. In Marxist societies they used theft and guns to place people on these modern plantations. Perhaps you can lecture us on the wonders of Marx's plantations which actual workers flee at the first opportunity.

Prediction the bird brained Duck will lapse into false consciousness
talk.

Actual labor rights improve under Capitalism as workers may move freely amongst employers. In general Mafia run unions did a better job protecting the rights of their workers than the Commie manipulated ones.

Z: I am off to parts unknown next week for some R&R. I can be reached via email only. I do not expect to blog.

Linda said...

It is really too bad our country is so divided. Sitting together at the SOTU didn't solve any problems. It is just foolish to think something like that could. Of course, it it could, that would have been great.

FrogBurger said...

Laughing my butt off with LSD's comment.

So deja vu, easy and immature.

Hey LSD, forced labor by the soviets or the Eastern Germany Democratic Republic, was that slavery?

I suggest leftists like Ducky don't even stay in the US but we send them to North Korea and the likes. Or China to repay the debt by sending cheap labor.

FrogBurger said...

Hey LSD, check this out.

"The use of forced child labor in the harvesting of cotton in Uzbekistan began in the Stalin era when the country was part of the Soviet Union. Since then students from schools and universities in Uzbekistan have been conscripted by local authorities for agricultural work. Uzbekistan's independence ushered in little change: The coercive use of labor of children as young as 10 years of age continues today.

Despite the end of collective farming and the renewal of private farms, 1.5 to 2 million schoolchildren are sent by central and local governments for 2–3 months every autumn to the fields to pick cotton under hazardous conditions, which result in severe injuries to children and deprive them of their right to education."

http://www.soros.org/initiatives/cep/events/child-labor-20110120

Looks like child labor is not just a right wing thing. Even Soros says it.

You're such a dumbass, LSD.

FrogBurger said...

Duck, we'll leave you with elective abortions. You won't have to worry about child labor then.

Good one.

LSD doesn't like child labor b/c it applies to him too. At 55 he still is a child and doesn't like working very much,

Mark said...

Let the Liberals keep regulatory agencies, too. We will regulate ourselves with personal responsibility.

Z said...

I like Mark's addition..excellent thinking.

Beamish...I'm not advocating it works, I just thought it was amusing and drew the line in the sand of who'd survive and who wouldn't...it's pretty clear. How can entitlements survive when nobody's making money to pay for them? It's so easy that I can't get the inability of lefties to see that.

OPus, perfectly said.....they're practicing "bitter and radicalized" right now in their amazing treatment of Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin :-)

Ducky, read Chuck's comment...your side would be a vast wasteland of debauchery and no birth rate...finally; liberalism DEAD
Slavery? Don't you EVER read Conservatives on slavery? geeez.

Beak, nice to see you and thanks for the excellent comment...and have a super R&R!

Linda...did you hear if any of the Court justices were a no-show other than Justice Alito who was out of town?

FrogBurger..not "JUST a Rightwing thing?" WHen, since Western society woke up to the nightmare of child labor, has it been a rightwing thing....or when has it EVER been 'just' a rightwing thing?

Z said...

Linda, I found out..Scalia and Thomas rarely attend the SOTU speech and Alito'd accepted a speaking engagement in Hawaii......

Odd that the media made such a big deal of the others possibly not coming but never mentioned how normal it is for Scalia and Thomas not to show. But, I guess it's typical; they have to reach for the more sexy, nasty story of Roberts not showing because of his distaste for the whole evening....
he did show. I think it was the right thing to do.

Ticker said...

Dang Beamish you know they won't have farms of anykind. Liberals believe all their food comes from grocery stores operated by greedy capitalistic, old white men.
The leftist environuts would build doggy parks, hiking/biking trails in the middle of the city which make good hiding places to mug the greedy capitalistic old white men who have to walk through them on the way to their homes.
Then of course there are the bleeding heart types who would public housing projects aka plantations where all the hoochie mommas , poor economically, socially deprived drug dealers can wait for their next gubermint check to take to the store to buy food from the greedy, capitalistic, old white men.

FrogBurger said...

FrogBurger..not "JUST a Rightwing thing?" WHen, since Western society woke up to the nightmare of child labor, has it been a rightwing thing....or when has it EVER been 'just' a rightwing thing?

I was paraphrasing LSD. That was not a statement I hold true.

Z said...

Ah, sorry, FB, I should have known better :-)

Anonymous said...

Z, very clever post, and funny too, in an ironic sort of way. Without freedom, the left's farms would be so regulated, they'd be pleading to us to share our foodstuffs. Especially meat products, since Peta would have it's way in leftland.

And, of course we would dominate the fuel industry, because their central govt. would have moratoriums on drilling, coal, and nuclear power.

One irony is however, that the weather, or climate would still do it's own thing, proving you can't mess with Mother Nature.

Well Ducky, since you would welcome illegal immigration, you'd have your own slave population built in. That is basically what they are, and what you encourage.

As for child labor, the only children I've encouraged to do small jobs in our neighborhood such as babysitting, yard work, etc., are our own.

The difference is, they could keep what they earned. A novel idea, learning personal responsibilty and reward, huh?

Finally, when the people in leftland realized they'd rather be in freeland, you'd have to build walls to keep them in. Ah yes, history does repeat itself doesn't it?

This is a fun fantasy Z, but I'm afraid we're stuck with the clueless left who don't have an iota of gratitude as to how fortunate we've been in America.

Pris

beamish said...

I'm sure after the divorce, the starving, cosmopolitan Ducky would stagger into the hinterlands looking for the trees that grow cans of pork and beans.

beamish said...

Dang Beamish you know they won't have farms of anykind.

I didn't say the left would have effective farms, given that their darker-skinned slaves eugenically bred and forced to work on them would not use chemical fertilizers or pesticides, nor powered machines.

And they'd be on a neo-Lysenkoist agenda to blame the carbon emitted by the right's resulting more prosperous and productive nation was keeping their collectivized farming poor.

Z said...

couldn't you just see the Left CLAMORING for the Right to COME BACk, SHANE!? :-)
Man, who'd miss any of THEIR @#(*$&@(*#&?

Anonymous said...

A bifurcated bird cannot fly
Bifurcation makes it die.

A bifurcated plane
Causes passengers great pain.

Dying in a crash
Negates the need for cash.

Without the left the right
Would have nothing left to fight.

Without the right the left
Would of purpose be bereft.

A fight for every breath
Help to stave off death.

These common sense banalities
May bore, but they're realities.

A. Magus

Anonymous said...

Ruben, Ruben, I've been thinking
What a grand world this would be,
If the men were all transported
Far beyond the Northern Sea.

Rachel, Rachel, Iet me tell you
Men would have such merry times,
If the girls were far removed
From all our games and violent crimes.

Then there'd be no need for children
Fun is all there'd ever be
As we contemplate extinction
Oh so irresponsibly!


Folksong

FrogBurger said...

I'm sure after the divorce, the starving, cosmopolitan Ducky would stagger into the hinterlands looking for the trees that grow cans of pork and beans.

I think he'd try to find an iPod-tree first.

Anonymous said...

"I'm sure after the divorce, the starving, cosmopolitan Ducky would stagger into the hinterlands looking for the trees that grow cans of pork and beans."

Beamish, this made me laugh out loud! You do have a way with words.

Pris

Joe Conservative said...

...but parasites can't survive w/o host organisms...

Z said...

FB...I like that 'iPod tree'..good one!

Anonymous said...

Before the Duck finds the pork & beans tree he better find some Beano first.

Silvrlady

Anonymous said...

It's good to have someone like the duck around to give everyone a really good excuse to let their inner demons express themselves freely without fear of censorship or censure.

It is very strange, however, that anyone would enjoy being the object of ridicule and contempt like that.

I wonder if it could be an altruistic sacrifice rooted in compassion on the duck's part?

Is it possible he fancies himself in the role of Paschal Victim?

God only knows, of course.