According to CBS News this morning, Boston police found a note scribbled out by Dzhokhar Tsarnaev as he lay bleeding from multiple gunshot wounds inside someone’s boat. It wasn’t something a fifth grade student would want to turn in for a graded assignment, but it was interesting nonetheless.
Essentially, Dzhokhar told us:
1. He does not mourn the loss of his brother, Tamerlane. Tamerlane, you see, is a martyr who has entered paradise. And besides, Dzhokhar expects to see him again soon.
2. The bombs were placed in retribution for the United States’ crimes against Moslems in Iraq and Afghanistan.
3. The victims of the bombs were simply collateral damage, in the same way that Moslems are collateral damage in America’s wars throughout the world.
4. Whenever America attacks one Moslem, America attacks Moslems everywhere.
Interestingly, Dzhokhar never mentioned the 72 virgins allocated to him or his older brother. Presumably, this is because sex is one of the last things people think about when they are lying in the bottom of a boat with multiple gunshot wounds. Right about now, Dzhokhar must be thinking that life is unfair: while his brother cavorts with his 72 virgins, Dzhokhar is under the close scrutiny of infidels and has multiple needles shoved up his … posterior.
Dzhokhar also failed to mention that the only reason Tamerlane is dead is because Dzhokhar ran over him while attempting to further elude every police officer in the state of Massachusetts. One can’t help but wonder how pleased Tamerlane will be to see his younger brother in the next life.
Another curiosity is Dzhokhar’s apparent adaptation of this Hispanic adage: “If you fight the bean, you have to fight the burrito.” Is it completely lost on Dzhokhar that Moslems should, at all cost, avoid attacking our buildings with stolen airliners?
Perhaps Z’s readers will be able to help us with these two remaining items. The media continues to emphasize their contention that Tamerlane and Dzhokhar are self-radicalized Moslems. Does anyone really understand what that means, or what the process entails? For example, does one become a radicalized (fill in the blank) from watching too much Chris Matthews, or receiving too many post-election tweets from Barack Obama?
And then finally … even though Dzhokhar wrote out his statement on the inside of the backyard boat, crime scene investigators aren’t sure whether the writing is a confession to pre-medicated murder, a Moslem manifesto, or an application for Obama Care. It leads us to ask, (1) will prosecutors have to introduce that boat as evidence during trial, (2) will this boat one day sell on EBay for millions, and (3) does this mean that Dzhokhar can keep his doctor?
X-Post: A Montpelier View