Saturday, May 11, 2013

Need a smile? Read these...

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and
Bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms.
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls."
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"
Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.
"I don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do "his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.

You SMILING? :-)  Have a happy Saturday!



sue hanes said...

Z - Thanks for these bits of humor.
Once in a while we need to stop and laugh a little - and not take ourselves so seriously.

Have a great weekend - Z.

DaBlade said...

Laughter really is the best medicine in these crazy times. It keeps me going. Thanks for these Z!

Bob said...

Those are some really precious little stories. However, they do bring up some penetrating theological questions.

1. Did Noah have a barbecue grill on deck?
2. How many species were wiped-out feeding Noah and his family during the Great Food, err, Flood?

Answers to these questions are almost as important the answer to, "Who were all those people running around outside the Garden of Eden while Adam and Eve were necking and playing house?"

Bloviating Zeppelin said...

What do you happen to think of this woman?


Bob said...

Bloviating Zeppelin said...

What do you happen to think of this woman?

Better her than me. I think she did the right thing, but as Christians we believe that the body means nothing. I don't know how Muslims view a body, but that's their problem.

Ed Bonderenka said...

"The whole Muslim community here is furious. Frankly, we are furious that we were never given any information. It was all done secretly behind our backs," Amonette said, adding that it "makes no sense whatsoever" that Tsarnaev's body was buried in Virginia."
The Muslims are always furious, upset doesn't seem to suffice.

Anonymous said...


Right...and "he Islamic Society of Greater Richmond didn't respond to an email seeking confirmation that it was involved in the burial."

Who's surprised...they're all cowards and sociopaths anyway. Never admitting to anything even though 99% of the times it bears their stamp of violence.

Maybe the locals will bring tributes to old pork chop bones and bacon bits.

Anonymous said...

Anyway....the Last one was my favorite!

CnC said...

Hi Z ! I'm back from blogging death and enjoying your blog again. I'm Rita's Brother Rumbles in case you don't remember me.

FreeThinke said...

Hey Bob,

The thing that makes me doubt the Genesis Myth most is this.

"And God looked around Him and saw that all that He had made was good."

If that was true, where the HELL did that damned SERPENT come from?

If all that God made was good, WHO made the Serpent? Doesn't that seem to indicate there is a power apart from God?

If that's true then the whole thing starts to fall apart.

Or could it just be that the "The Serpent" is a SYMBOL for Man's insatiable curiosity which leads him to seek "Knowledge?"

No doubt "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing," but how much is enough, and how much is too much?

Would God have preferred we remain ignorant, happy feral creatures eating nuts, fruits and berries through Eternity, and that all we've done -- bad AND good in all the years since The Beginning has been worthless?

Mozart ALONE proves to me that THAT must be nonsense.

These are questions we need to ask and try to answer.

This Maddening World said...

That was great and very cute, Happy Mothers Day to you all.

FreeThinke said...

An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shiveringeith cold.

A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,' was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into
the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed
his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks.. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes..

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now..'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her:

'Are you God's wife?'

Z said...

Sue, you, too..had a fantastic day at a retreat.

DB..your blog's the funny one EVERY day!

Bob....almost, yes, but none really matter :-)

Z said...

BZ...I think she did the right thing, too.
We should be praying for that twerp younger brother's salvation, too.

I'm just glad the woman who wanted to give that killer her plot at Arlington National Cemetery didn't win out. That would have been too much.

Ed...I didn't read that part. They're FURIOUS? They're damned lucky we didn't just put him in a log grinder.

Imp, glad you liked them!

CnC...welcome back!!! Stick around; I'll visit you soon, and I encourage everybody else to!

FT; yes, it could be. Of course it is.
I'm hoping your eyes improve; it must be so frustrating.
You worried me when you implied even getting around the house isn't very easy??

Maddening world..thanks!

FT...that's cute, isn't it...

CnC said...

Thanks Z great to be back, had my head in the sand during this divorce mess but that's all behind me now and life is good! And so is your blog as per usual.

Z said...

CnC, I'm so sorry about that whole situation and with you NOTHING but happiness in the future, which I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE!