Monday, February 20, 2012


A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. (Z: it ends with an IAN, so I think it's an Armenian figure of speech! :-)
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a paraprosdokian.   Winston Churchill loved them.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
 8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal ideas from many is research.
 10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
 12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify,,,:' I put  'DOCTOR.'
 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
 14. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
 15. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
 16. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive more than one time.
 17. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
 18. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
19.  I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
 20. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
 21. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
 22. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 24. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
 25. Where there's a will, there are relatives
Clever, aren't they?  Got any of your own??


Anonymous said...

Obama's got about as much chance of winning re-election as a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest

Ducky's here said...

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Z said...

DUde...I can't imagine how Obama can lose but maybe there ARE polls we're not hearing of because they're sure engaging TONS of help and trying to whip up his base.

Bob said...

I don't know if these sentences qualify, but here they are.

I am looking for a position, not a job.

What do you have on, your mind?

Baseball is the most watched sport in the nation except for those who don't watch it.

Everybody deserves a second chance if they can afford expensive lawyers.

I don't drink too much. I drink just enough.

Don't make a pass at a blind date. Those seeing-eye dogs will get in the way every time.

If the natives like you, they might have you for dinner.

Thank goodness live nudes are advertised. They look better than the dead ones.

Ticker said...

The only difference in a wealthy drunk and a poor drunk man is the cost of their booze.

Kid said...

If you come to a fork in the road pick it up.

No one goes tot hat restaurant anymore, it's too crowded.

Baseball is 50% pitching, 50% hitting and 50% fielding.

It's like deja vu all over again.

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.

Never answer an anonymous letter.


The future ain't what it used to be.

- Yoggi Berra

I've had some of my own, but they were all plagiarism.

Lisa said...

I like Dude's positive comment. I for one am not giving into the left's mantra that Obama is going to win. I think it's a scare tactic because frankly I think they are the ones who are scared.
I think republicans have learned that they are coming out to vote even if they don't like the candidate. We have to.

Z said...

Lisa, I hope you're right!

Lid, I love Berra's saying!

Bob, good ones...and Ticker, good too! xx

Anonymous said... a wonderful way to escape and have some real fun with these contributions.

I am shamelessly copying and emailing these to friends all over the place.

Thanks guys.....this brings a smile to this kid. No pun intended....KID!

sue hanes said...

Bob - My fave is:

What do you have on, your mind?

Good one - Bob.

Joe said...

What's that you're dragging, a long behind?

There's fine line between fishing and standing on the bank looking like an idiot.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." — Groucho Marx

On the other hand there are five more fingers.

Anonymous said...

"My fave is:

What do you have on, your mind?"

And Sue would say....Bill Maher and Charley Sheen...

sue hanes said...

Imp - It's Charlie Sheen.

and what are ya gonna do about it anyway.

P.S. Whatever made ya think that Bill Maher is on my mind - Imp?


nicrap said...

Am i having a Déjà vu? ;)

Bob said...

"There's fine line between fishing and standing on the bank looking like an idiot."

Good stuff, Joe.

Bob said...

"If you come to a fork in the road pick it up."

Kid, I thought it was the following: "If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

Either way, it is rich.

beamish said...

Fighting wars in Islamic countries will merely create terrorists among people we shouldn't profile at the airport.

Kid said...

Bob, I was misquoted :)

David Wyatt said...

Gotta "borrow" some o' these, just fantastic!

Right Wing Theocrat said...

Thanks for the laugh Z.

I like this one - Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Z said...

these are all good!

RWT, (MK!)...that's my all time fave, too!

beamish said...

The directions on the deodorant read "remove cap, push up rear." I walk funny, but man my ass smells terrific.


Salick said...

Many skin whitening lines come with soaps, cleansers and toners. This article will provide you with some basic information about the substance, it properties and benefits. Another notable thing happened that night that is so rare I could not remember the last time it had occurred up to that point. Well, that is a short list of the types of creatines that are on the market. My name is Peter Rousseau and I have over ten years of experience within Human Resources, designation by the Human Resource Certification Institute as an SPHR, and a Master's Degree in Labor & Policy Studies.