Friday, October 5, 2012

A personal moment

photo by Mr. Z...Santa Monica.

I don't usually share personal things too much...not since the little sharing I did when my husband died, including information regarding the disease he suddenly got, hoping people would gain some awareness about it (Amyloidosis)......I did a few Valentine's Day posts to him and the rare other post for him, but not much.  By the way, I want to mention again that  I will always appreciate all of your comments and support during that terrible time, October 10, 2009.   Yes, 3 years ago, imagine?

Our 22nd anniversary would have been tomorrow, Saturday........I wanted to write something, but didn't know what to write here....until just ten minutes ago, when I found something in an old phone book.

I was looking for a phone number and couldn't find it, so I opened an older phone book knowing it was wasn't,  but, there were many folded papers and cards inside that older book.  One caught my eye and I pulled it out from the others... I won't say what it said exactly but I'll tell you it was an amazingly precious Anniversary note from my Mr. Z written for our 12th anniversary....If I could be so disloyal as to share the wording, you'd flip even more at the 'coincidence' of my finding this today.

Is something like this really just a coincidence?  I never believe in coincidences.  I call them "something that happens when God wants to stay anonymous."

Happy Anniversary, Mr. Z.  I miss you.
By the way, Mr. Z wrote a lot of articles for geeeeZ....his label is MR Z'S OPINION on my sidebar.  THIS WAS HIS MOST IMPORTANT.  I hope it blesses you as it did so many people; he wrote it just before he suddenly passed away.



beakerkin said...

Sorry Z

Parts of life are random. If we could explain or understand all we would be imortal and worse yet boring.

We pass our days as a product of what we put in. Obviously the love you shared was special and worthy of rememberance. Just remind others
love is a precious and hard work. It is well worth the if the partner is right.

Guess the days of hard work and devotion are rememberences of better times and values in a self absorbed culture. We can make gadgets and devices but have we built more meaningful lives.

Elmers Brother said...

Thinking of you Z. Praying for comfort and good memories. I like you a lot.

Z said...

Beak...VERY well worth it, right.

Elbro...I like you a lot too :-)

Rita said...

I don't believe things like this are random. Years ago part of my job was escheating abandoned bank accounts to the state.

One such account was opened by an elderly lady and her son. After seven years of no activity I was trying to reach one of them before I remitted the $1,500 to the state.

I had a work phone for the son. When I called it and asked for him the lady explained that he had passed away.

I explained the reason I was trying to locate him. The lady said the mother had passed before the son. I asked if they would call the wife and leave my number for her to call

About 15 minutes later she phoned me. I explained the situation. I told her I needed a copy of both death certificates to send her the money.

At the end of the conversation she told me had had only passed away a few months previously and I called her on HIS BIRTHDAY.

As you know Z, that first year is so hard and holidays, anniversaries and birthdays are a struggle. I was so happy that on a day when she was likely struggling coping with his first birthday without him, I happened to call her with what I think of as a present from him.

Nothing can convince me that the Good Lord had a hand in helping me locate her that day.

I'm certain Mr. Z had a hand in making sure you read his words to you written ten years ago to let you know he still loves you and is waiting for your reunion once again. What a blessing that is.

Happy Memories Anniversary.

FreeThinke said...

When I once suffered a significant loss some years ago, a kind and gentle friend sent this token of understanding and affection to me. I found it very helpful. I hope you do too, dear Z.

Mr. Z was a wise and courageous man. To have known him at all, even in the small way I did, was a privilege and a joy. Thank you for sharing his fine words with us once again.

~ FT


Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

~ Christina Rossetti

Anonymous said...

Z...I remember. I was there. Me....I'll never forget that man....and your love for him...your teamwork...your symbiotic relationship...two people joined at the hip...with a deep, deep love and admiration for each other.

You'll always have that....and so will Werner... I know.

Theres another here too....who has that wonderful connection with her soul mate.

Z said...

Imp, yes...Pris had that relationship, too...and WAY longer than I got with Mr. Z....lucky her and Mr. Pris.

FT, thanks for that wonderful poetry.. I think Mr. Z wants me happy; I know he does. And, if I don't think of him too much, I am.

Rita, quite a 'coincidence' again, huh? (not) "Happy Memories Anniversary"..what a beautiful way to put it. THank you.

Rita, I had a friend who had breast cancer many years ago and beat it...suddenly, it hit her again and it came back BAD (chemo, radiation, etc.)...the day her doctor told her it was in her liver and there was absolutely no hope, she called me FROM the doc's office and told me the terrible news. She asked me then to sing WIND BENEATH MY WINGS at her funeral. To this day, I'm sorry I never asked her WHY THAT SONG? But, I didn't.
Anyway, she died about 3 months later (we'd gone up to spend 3 days with her before she got bad enough for hospice)....I sang the song at her funeral (after I was introduced, I said to Mr. Z quickly "I can't DO THIS!!!!" and I got up and DID it)..and that was it.

About a year later, I was watching BEACHES (from which that song comes) and, at the end, the women are little girls again and taking pictures in one of those old photo booths, and one says to the other "we'll ALWAYS BE FRIENDS"...and I was ironing as I watched the movie. I sat on my bed and said to myself 'THAT's why she asked me to sing this...she knew I'd see that film some day and I'd know why'...

On her birthday, a few years after her death, I got a call "Is Nancy there?" I said "NO"...that was my friend's name.


Anonymous said...

"Imp, yes...Pris had that relationship, too...and WAY longer than I got with Mr. Z....lucky her and Mr. Pris."

No...God spreads his love for both without any ambiguity. should Man.

Jan said...

Z..I don't think there is any such thing as a coincidence, really. There are many things that we don't understand, and in this life, we never will.

I may have shared this with you before, but it is similar to something that happened to me, after my mom passed away.

It was the first Thanksgiving after her death, and I was feeling very sad, but still preparing dinner for family, as I thought about her, thinking of her beautiful smile, and how much I longed to see it, again...missing her so much.

For some reason, I decided to wipe down the front of the refrigerator, which was covered with various magnets, one of which was shaped like a photo frame, with a recipe or something under it. As I removed that particular one, underneath the recipe was a polaroid photo of my mom, which I didn't remember ever seeing before!

At the bottom of that photo, which was a close up of her beautiful smiling face, were written the words, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

To this day, I don't know how that photo came to be there, nor even when it was taken! But that day, it was just exactly what I needed!

God is good, and knows exactly what we need, when we need it!

I think you just received a special gift from Him, too!

Z said...

Imp...just saying they were married a lot more years...that's all :-)

Jan, what an incredible story!

A friend of mine's sis went to bed at her elderly mom's a night or two after her son was killed in a college sailing accident in Hawaii and suddenly heard a beep beep beep..she couldn't figure out where it was coming from. SHe was in her mother's house and, of course, didn't know what it could be.
She narrowed it down to the bedside table and opened a lower drawer where a fire alarm or something was that drawer was a Valentine from that dead son, from years ago, with something like "I love you, Mom" on HER at her Mom's!! in a drawer and with something drawing her attention to it.


Stephen T. McCarthy said...

I'm very sorry about your loss.

That is a beautiful picture your husband took. Judging it by the silhouette of the fence in the background, I would guess it was taken in Pacific Palisades Park, just north of the Santa Monica Pier.

I was raised in Santa Monica, from 5th grade (1969) through high school, and didn't move away from the area until Oct. 1992.

All these years later, I still donate money to the Santa Monica Nativity Scenes Committee every December. It really, Really, REALLY ticked me off when the atheists pulled that dirty, nasty, (typically atheistic) trick last year, which prevented all of the Nativity Scenes booths from being erected in Palisades Park for the first time since the early or mid 1950s.

I even posted a very angry installment on my blog about that situation, telling the "(pseudo)-atheists" exactly what I thought of them. That's OK; they will someday be face to face with their Maker, and we'll see what "dirty, nasty, (typically atheistic) tricks" they can pull off then.

Anyway, as I said at the beginning, I'm sorry about your loss. I remember how my Ma felt for the 9+ years after my Pa passed away, and it was not easy on her.

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

namaste said...

beautiful tribute, Z. so true, there are no coincidences. how wonderful that you have not only your memories of Mr. Z, but also his many wise and loving words to read and cherish. those are gifts which keep giving. (((HUGS))) to you on your anniversary. God bless you :)

Anonymous said...

Time and God have a way of crowding out the bad and sad memories with the good memories. God bless!

Rita said...

Such beautiful stories here. I hope they helped you with your day of rememberance.

I'm sure you realize of course I meant to type there is nothing that can convince me that the Good Lord DIDN'T have a hand in my story.

I still think about that lady I called on her husband's birthday and smile wondering how many people she got to tell that story to along the years. Wonder if she thought of that on every birthday afterwards.

It would have been such a different story if I had found her a week later.

This was back in the very early 80's when $1,500 was not a small sum.

Always On Watch said...

FT quoted this:

Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

~ Christina Rossetti

Mr. AOW said basically the same thing before his brain surgery in 1993 and a few weeks after his stroke in 2009.

It's good advice.

Sorrow is forever, but mourning and grief should have an end.

Z, I hope that you find solace today.

Anita Davis said...

My thoughts are with you on this difficult day.

Pris said...

Z, and Imp, thank you for your kind words for Mr. Pris and I. It is true, I feel our loved ones are close, and in a sense, always with us.

And Z, I too, believe these special finds, and moments, are not coincidence, they're signs we are meant to acknowledge and cherish.

God bless you, it is a beautiful remembrance, and a reminder that love lives on forever.

Brooke said...

I will wish you a happy anniversary; I don't believe your finding that card was coincidental.

I am certain your husband is waiting for you!

sue hanes said...

Z - I can't believe that it's been three years since Mr. Z passed away.

My prayers are with you - to comfort you.

FreeThinke said...


Jan's story about the photo reminded me of a similar incident in my own life.

My mother passed away in February of 1982. She was only 69 years old, and had not been seriously ill, so her sudden death came as a tremendous shock.

At any rate, when I was very young, Mother used to sing to me. She had a pretty contralto voice, which I can still here in my mind's ear whenever I think about it.

One of the songs she sang was a nursery rhyme I had never heard anywhere else to a tune I had never heard anyone sing, except my mother.

She had always encouraged me from earliest days to read and later to write. She was a talented writer and poet, herself. Many praised her for the beautiful letters she wrote, which, apparently, were unusual. She often talked of "writing a book someday," but unfortunately, she never did.

Well, many years passed, and then through an improbable set of circumstances about twenty-five years ago I became the editor of a small town newspaper, and two periodical journals we distributed in a tri-state area.

One of the many clients who advertised with us became both a fan and a dear friend of mine.

When I departed from that area to move to my present location, this dear client-friend gave me a small "going away present."

Believe it or not, when I opened it, there was a beautifully-framed copy of the little song my mother used to sing to me as a child -- the song I'd never heard anyone else sing -- the song no one in the world knew about except Mother and me!.

It really was A Message of Love -- and Approval -- from Beyond the Grave, because Mother had always wanted me to be a writer.

It brings a lump into my throat and tears to my eyes every time I think about how this came about.

The framed song text -- which even more uncannily is accompanied by a hand-cut silhouette of A.A. Milne's Christopher Robin -- is kept in a place of honor next to the fireplace in my best room.

One of my favorite books as a toddler was The House at Pooh Corner, so the framed text turned out to be a double blessing.

The dear woman who presented this to me as a parting gift could not possibly have known how very much what she gave would mean to mean, so I believe it truly did come from Beyond, and was a special present to me from my mother who sent it to me with God's help.

He really does work in mysterious ways, doesn't He?

~ FreeThinke

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

That was a great story, and, by the way, 'The House At Pooh Corner' is STILL one of my all-time favorite books (that ending can get me pretty misty-eyed).

Would you mind stating what the name of the song is, and maybe even typing a few lines of lyric from it?

I'm curious because when I was little, my maternal grandfather used to sing this nursery-rhyme-like song all the time. I had always assumed that it was a very well known song. But then about a year ago, I decided to use a line from it in one of my blog installments. I Googled it to find out exactly who wrote that song/nursery rhyme and to get the official title, but to my amazement, I could find no reference to it ANYWHERE online! It's as if no one has ever heard of it before.

And I totally believe that our loved ones do contact us from the beyond; I myself have so many stories about contacts/visitations from my Pa who passed away in '96.

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

Z said...

Thanks, everybody. I REALLY appreciate your comments.

Brooke, He'd BETTER be :-)
I always say God took him while he slept or he'd have had a bigger fight leaving this earth!

Free Thinke, that is an AMAZING story.

Z said...

Wait till you hear this;

I went to the hair dresser today ...she rarely works on Saturdays because she has kids...and she works in a neighborhood where women don't have to have their hair cut on Sat's because they don't WORK!
Well, I work full time now so I'm happy Lupe's taken to occasionally working on Saturdays.

Every so often, I've asked her if the cardiologist who helped my husband with his amyloidosis is coming in....because I know she cuts his hair. Over the 3 years since W died, he's never been in on a day I'm there.

Today, in he walked. The day of my anniversary and the Saturday before the anniv. of W's passing on Wednesday.

I was stunned at the 'coincidence' but happy to see him...he was so great, remembering Werner and commenting on what a good guy he was.

ANother 'coincidence'? Naaaa

FreeThinke said...

It is an amazing story, Z, but so are yours -- and Rita's and Jan's, and I think it's incredible that I should" bump into" Stephen who loves the same childhood book I do, but hadn't thought of very much in a long time.

~ FT

FreeThinke said...


Ask and ye shall receive.

Here is the poem my mother sang to me when I was a toddler:

The Wind and the Leaves

Come, little leaves, said the wind one day,
Over the meadows with me and play.
Put on your dresses of scarlet and gold,
Summer is gone and the wind grows cold.

As soon as the leaves heard the wind’s loud call,
Down they came fluttering one and all;
Over the brown fields they danced and flew
Singing the soft little sings they knew.

Crickets, good bye we’ve been friends so long.
Little ones, sing us your farewell song;
Say you are sorry to see us go.
Ah! You will miss us, right well we know.

Dear little lambs, in your fleecy fold
Mother will keep you from harm and cold;
Fondly we’ve watched you in vale and glade
Say, you will dream of our loving shade.

Dancing and whirling, the little leaves went:
Winter had called them, and they were content.
Soon fast asleep in their earthly beds,
The snow laid a coverlet over their heads.

~ Anonymous

Sorry I can't provide the tune for you. I wonder if this could be the song your grandfather sang to you?

I went to visit your blog, but was sorry to see you've discontinued it.

Try visiting mine some time. You might like it.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

FreeThinke ~
Thanks for the reply. I must admit that in the back of my mind, I too was wondering if the mostly unknown song your Mother sang to you might be the same mostly unknown song that my Grandfather used to sing to me. I would have absolutely freaked out if it had been.

But, no, different songs/rhymes. Yours, however, reminded me a great deal of several of the poems/nursery rhymes that my Ma used to recite to me when I was little. They came from the Robert Louis Stevenson collection titled 'A Child's Garden Of Verse'. I still have a copy of that book in one of my bookcases.

But the thing my Grandpa used to sing went like this:

You'll be sorry, just wait and see;
you'll be sorry that you picked on me.
I'll eat a bullfrog and then I'll die...

I can't remember the rest of it, but I assumed it must be really well known until I Googled it and came up utterly empty.

Yes, I did close down my more popular blog, but my political/product review blog is still operative. However, fairly soon, I will be closing that one down as well. No reason to "Follow" it now, as I am totally burned out on blogging.

I just added your blog to those I "Follow" and may surprise you with a comment from time to time. I'm definitely coming from a very different political worldview, but we appear to be on the same page with our anti-liberalism / socialism / communism positions.

Thanks again for the complete response, I appreciated it.

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

Always On Watch said...

"The Wind and the Leaves"! I haven't thought of that song is ages!

My grandmother, with her untrained alto voice, used to sing that song to me -- at least, part of the song. My grandmother was born in 1898 and died in 1981; she hailed from the mountains of East Tennessee.

BTW, one of the McGuffey readers has that poem in it. I should go look it up: I have a full set of those readers in my upstairs library.

The Political Chic said...

God bless you Z. And please keep up your wonderful work.

Z said...

thanks, Political Chic...
I really appreciate that.