Monday, June 3, 2013

Who raises your children better than YOU?

I thought THIS was absurd.  I don't care what anybody says, or how much most of us like Megyn Kelly, or what statistics supposedly show:  how can we really know that children do as well with working mothers as they do when a mother's home all day with them?   What's the criteria?  Future grades?  Height?!!!  Manners?  How often they go to shrinks as adults?

Yes, I know plenty of my GeeeeZ readers are working women and I salute you but how many of you'd rather stay home for your kids (I did not say "with your kids" because most are school age...I mean at home FOR them so they know where you are and get confidence from that?)  And, if you must work for financial reasons, would you stay home with your children?

Can all nannies raise children as well as mothers?  Does school do a better job?  Does day care?  As good as a good mother?

Oh, yes...some will say "ya, Z, but some mothers are bad"...yes, we know that, we're not arguing that here.  I wonder if you'd also have the honesty to agree that "some day care stinks?"  And some will say "some day care is excellent."  Of course it is! I teach a preschool class at an amazing preschool, I know it can be great.  I'm talking in general....for children who get taken out of the house at 7:00 AM and picked up at 5:30 that a good thing?

Megyn Kelly is defensive and maybe even a little hypersensitive because she works.  And then for Greta Van Susteren to say that, next, we'll be eliminating the right to vote for women?....because we discussed if children do better with moms at home?  REALLY, GRETA?

I'm not saying all women should stay home (well, maybe I am...) because I know most cannot...but to say it's not better to have a mother home nurturing her children is NUTS. 

What do you think?  Go on, let me have it;  I can take it!  Did your mother work when you were growing up?  Mine did not and I remember her telling me once "I won't be home all day today...I'll be at a fashion show." And I swear I remember feeling a little unsettled.  I was about 8 or 9!  "Mom's not home..........."  Obviously, she wasn't home plenty what with grocery shopping, visiting friends, whatever else, but I STILL remember how I felt with "I won't be home ALL DAY........"

I often remind my friends who work to bring their child to the workplace so the kid can at least see the 'black hole' Mom disappears to all day..........good idea, in my opinion, huh?
And yes, my illustrations are 'slightly biased'.. :-)  well, it's my blog!



Always On Watch said...

I have to wonder if the obesity epidemic among children and teenagers could be related to the fact that so many mothers are now working outside the home.

Think about it.


In my case, my mother regretted having to work until I was about 8 years old. We had a live-in maid, but Mom never allowed the maid to prepare meals because our maid had a propensity of fixing fried foods only. On occasion, when we were between maids, I spend a lot of time at my grandmother's house -- even going to and from school from there while I was in 1st grade; also, my aunt and uncle lived "across the field" from us, so I spent quite a bit of time there too. As a result, I often didn't realize how much time that Mom spent at work.

I do recall a few times that Mom took me to work with her. Great fun as far as I was concerned!

Sadly, once Mom retired, it was on total disability (cardiac and kidney disease), and Mom was allowed out of bed for only 2-3 hours a day. But you know what? I didn't recognize that Mom was that disabled because she covered well.

Sam Huntington said...

I listened to Kelly’s meltdown on Sirius; she was offended, she said, that someone had the nerve to have an opinion different from her own. Pffft. Who cares what Megyn Kelly thinks?

The fact is, life offers us circumstances and choices. There are times when circumstances force women into the workplace. And there are times when women simply choose to work, having decided that income is more important than being the majordomo of a harmonious home. No matter the why, there are consequences—and this is what Megyn Kelly’s guest was talking about. It is what Kelly didn’t want to hear.

Role reversal is one of these problems, and it is a real problem. We now have young to middle-aged fathers who stay home and raise children while the female goes out to bring home the bacon. There are simply too many variables to talk about this clearly: husband/father passed away, left with another woman, injured on the job, recovering alcoholic, running a successful meth lab … blithering idiot, lazy … who knows? There’s nothing I can do about it, other than watch how society is changing for the worse.

sue hanes said...

Z - My mom was a stay at home mom and so was I - and so are my daughters. But I realize that some moms have to work. But there are sacrifices that can be made in order for a mom to be able to stay home.

I also believe that some moms feel the need to get out of the home and work - and in those cases maybe it is better for them to go to work.

Even though I believe in stay at home moms - I would never judge those who go to work full time.
It can work either way.

Z said...

Sue, I completely agree. And there's no judgment on my part (not liking a situation doesn't mean I'm judging anyone), except, perhaps, in the case Sam so wisely mentions; when mothers choose a pool and Mercedes over staying home.
One of my sisters is very financially comfortable and, in her area, Moms worked not to keep food on the table, etc., but simply to get the very expensive goodies of two incomes.

Always, every story you relate about your mother is glowing. She must have been quite a woman.

And Sam, there are too many variables, you're right. So, I limited this to the argument that children do just as well without mothers staying at home as they do otherwise.
ridiculous. And, of course, too many variables in any kind of testing to prove that, too.

Mustang said...

If we do no more than apply common sense to this question, we must conclude that children benefit more when their mothers are at home caring for them, than when their mothers are working out of the home. Common sense seems to elude us these days.

Robert Sinclair said...

USAF, lacking balls, denies that peacemakers will be called the children of God.

Always On Watch said...

Mom was 36 and Dad 40 when I, their one and only -- and planned that way -- was born.

We didn't have much money or material goods. But I grew up in an idyllic location (acreage all around) and surrounded by love and a wonderful, albeit small, extended family. Honestly, I didn't have anything to be insecure about -- despite my mother's 8 heart attacks in 4 years and my father's one serious cardiac episode.

I'm not sure that parents today realize just how much a child's upbringing influences that child.

JonBerg said...

I'm finding Kelly to be more 'thin skinned' than previously thought. I hate to say this but I think that she is a "Closet Feminist". She got into it with Dobbs the other day and he even acted surprised.

Ducky's here said...

Well, we can curse working mother, whatever their reasons or we can ask what should be done to insure child care is high quality.

Lighting a candle or cursing the darkness and all that.

Here's the fact: Women work full time jobs. They aren't going to stop. So how do we best adjust to it.
We can do something constructive or join the likes of Lew Dobbs lamenting that old straight white men aren't running the show any longer.

Z said...

Ducky, who's 'cursing' working women? Even the show that highlighted that didn't 'curse' anyone. The women in question took it as an insult and couldn't even listen to the facts.

I know your solution is to crank up the socialist solution of letting others raise our children.

My solution is to try to see what can be done to keep mothers home.

The only mothers I'd even come close to 'cursing' (ridiculous term here) is those who just have to have a Mercedes and a pool and European vacations and dump their kids with a nanny toward that $$$ goal.

Z said...

Mustang...EXACTLY SO.

JonBerg; I don't think she's a closet feminist, though she has the symptoms.
What I think is that she's highly insecure about leaving her babies early in the morning with someone else so she can go to work all day.

That's got to feel just ROTTEN. did have a live-in maid, however, so you weren't too bad off, right!? :-) Sounds like you had a happy, healthy childhood.

Sam Huntington said...

Ducky’s anger is palpable; this is what happens when you don’t have a mother and grow up wearing your sister’s dresses.

Always On Watch said...

In those days (the 1950's), almost everyone had a "colored maid" -- or a live-in grandparent or old maid aunt. The way things were.

Z said...

Always, I think it also depended on which part of the country you lived.

Sam, you crack me up :-)

christian soldier said...

RS- thank you for the heads up on the removal of the painting--
I want it for my collection!
As a Christian-is it time for me to be "out-raged"-like the muslims and atheists constantly are!?

Having been a homeschool Mom who also ran my own business and volunteered a lot!- I can say that I believe the Mother does best for her children if she is with them!!
Too bad many Church leaders question a Mother staying home and ask-"What does she do all day?!"

Pris said...

I believe that children who are put aside so that Moms can go to work, are much more at risk. They pay the price.

Children know fairly early on whether their Moms have no choice but to work and it should be explained to them. They'll understand, even though it's difficult for them.

Children whose Moms go to work for more money and a lot of material goods, figure that out too.

I was a stay at home Mom and Mr. Pris agreed that was best. For both of us, our children came first. When the feminist movement got going, I had to put up with insults from working women, and couldn't have cared less.

One thing I heard from more than one feminist was, "what about your sisters?" My answer was, "I have one sister, and she's the only one I care about". I did what I love to do, and that was being there for my children 24/7. My family has always come first.

Oh yes we heard about "quality time", but that is being there for your children when they need you. It isn't necessarily 6:00PM either.

Yes, we sacrificed things, like two cars, or waiting a few years before we could afford a house of our own, etc. but eventually we made it financially thanks to Mr. Pris.

I always saw Mr. Pris and I as a team. I never felt less of a person because I was home. The last thing I would have thought as many feminists did, that being more like men was a top priority. I found that to be ridiculous.

Ducky's here said...

Well z, the consensus seems to be that it is ALWAYS better to have an at home mother and working for reasons other than avoiding starvation seems to be out of favor on this thread.

But mothers will still work. That won't change and joining Lew Dobbs lamenting the loss of the patriarchal order is folly.

Just think of what happens if they stop working and stop buying things. Kapital's house of cards falls down.

Z said...

Yes, Ducky, the point is it IS always better to have a mother at home. That they can't is another story completely and not the point of my post.
The POINT was that there is no way to compare children raised by mothers and those raised by daycare; to suggest there's no difference is FOLLY, believe me.

that's all!

Pris, you and Mr. Pris did the right thing, and were lucky you didn't have to work, too.

BY the way, my sis and her husband travel in the Laguna Niguel beach crowd and she said it has been the HUSBANDS who asked her what she did for a living and who looked amazed and a bit disdainful when she said "I'm a homemaker"...the husbands! I think they can better justify having their wives out there earning their 18 holes on the golf course every weekend that guilt if you slam others, right!?> :-)

EVERYBODY knows it's better to have Mom home....Megyn Kelly's guilty, husbands are guilty...
Why not just be honest? "I love working and I'm hoping my time with my kids is enough"

By the way, Pris...there is no such thing as QUALITY TIME, right? I had a friend with kids tell me "Quality time? Are you kidding? It takes hours for a teen to finally OPEN UP, who has time in an hour of QUALITY TIME we schedule?"
QUALITY TIME is like a couple arranging a date night and everybody has to be in the mood THAT NIGHT for conversation, for sweetness, for's crazy!

TSWS said...

I worked for a company that forced us to attend a seminar.
The speaker was a psychologist or some sort of a head gamer.
In his motivational profit center gig, was a statement that stayed with all of us who attended; that was - the survey says - we are as smart as we can get by the time we are 10 yrs. old.
The rest of what we know is gaining knowledge. And that is dependent of how well we are developed by age 10.
So, begs the question, Who is the better developer and shaper of a young sponge?
The Mother who chooses to be a stay at home Mom that oversees a child's progress from crawling coordination, to walking, to puzzle working to throwing and catching a base ball or soft ball; or a day care with a room full of under developed tantrum throwing attention seekers, that put a child who wants to learn something, to sitting ina timeout situation for all, so no one will feel left out?
I'm sure I left something out but sure don't want to babble on and on.

TSWS said...

Is this subject a basis for the Political Elites spending the money for their child's development a sure thing for Royalty Elitism?

Ed Bonderenka said...

I suspect that one wage earner homes are poorly suited to pay off two college loans.
My mom found flexible work. Real Estate, Tupperware.
Anything to get away from us three boys for a while.

Pris said...

Yes Z,
There is no certain time to be needed. We never know what will come up at any time, regarding our children. You're right, quality time is a joke.

Z said...

TSWS...WELLL 'Said"...

Ed..I have a sister who ran a 250 child preschool in Canada; the children all left at noon.."We are not a child warehouse" she said. And the children learned there and were loved and inspired there. That's a WHOLE different thing.
I mention that, however, to say my sis was home for her 2 children by 2:30 every day.
THAT is the ideal...working but being able to be home when THEY come home.
I couldn't agree with you more and I admire your mother. How blessed she was to have 3 boys. And don't think she ever lost sight of that! :-)

Pris, RIGHT? QUALITY TIME! rubbish. If it happens, that's great, a special moment, etc., but to plan it with a kid, like "let's get along and let me hear your heart for an hour!" are you kidding me!?

Kid said...

There are good and bad in any environment. But this country took a major turn for the worse, and it's in the communist manifesto, when the break up of the family unit began.

That started with lbj's 'great [communist] society;, moved on with the helen gurley brown women's liberation movement and culminated with inflation actually forcing women to work rather than be the cohesive family pivot point of child raising in the midst of "It takes a village" to raise your child as a communist.

We've actually gotten to the point where the meme "the child does not belong to you" (of course he/she doesn't) has morphed into You have no right to try to raise your child according to your values.

Very dangerous, destructive and at the CORE of any hard core communist subversive tactic.

Plus, ladies, Mothers specifically - do you enjoy working for a living generally speaking?

I think you screwed the pooch by jumping on this womens' lib "hear me roar" and "go get the bacon and bring it home and fry it up in the pan" nonsense - all for less money than your male counterparts pull in.

You've been sapped. Acknowledgements for women who truely are meant to be career superstars. That isn't the majority.

Whaddya think ladies?

Kid said...

In those days (the 1950's), almost everyone had a "colored maid" -- or a live-in grandparent or old maid aunt. The way things were."

Really? I was born in 1950 and never saw or heard of anything like this.

Pris said...

I see you know of Common Core. You are so right.
Yes, breaking up the family unit has been part of the radical left's agenda.

Now, parents are being undermined at a quicker rate. The feds are already working towards nationalizing the education system.

BTW, I never knew anyone in the fifties who had a maid.

beamish said...

During a tough economic time during the Carter years, Mom worked a part time job while Dad had 3 jobs. During those times, my siblings, cousins, and I were watched by my grandparents.

But for the most part, Dad worked his ass off so Mom could stay home.

Z said...

Kid, I completely agree with you on all of that.

And yes...very upper middle class experience for me and nobody had a maid.
My mother has a slight French accent and when kids called to talk to me and she'd answer, I'd get on the phone and say "Hello?" and they'd say "I didn't know you had a MAID!"

beamish...that was when men were men. You prove the point that it can be done today, too.

Always On Watch said...

Kid and Always,
In D.C. and in Northern Virginia, almost every mother who worked outside the home had either a maid or a live-in grandmother or maiden aunt -- or possibly a nearby widow who watched only a few friends' children until parents arrived home from work.

Of course, back then, the majority of mothers in this area did not work outside the home -- except for teachers and certain school workers, whose work hours paralleled their own children's hours in schools.

The wealthier families here had nannies or maids even if the mothers did not work outside the home.

Mr. AOW, who grew up in Southern California, had a beloved Mexican maid (live-in) even though his mother did not work outside the home. Mr. AOW's father, a dentist, could afford such a luxury -- as could most "on the hill."

Always On Watch said...

I should explain something....

In the case of my mother, she did not marry until age 34. Therefore, she had only a few more years to work until retirement.

The reason that Mom's brother had a maid instead of his wife staying home with their one child: that one child had osteogenesis imperfecta (Brittle Bone Disease). She went back to work to help pay the medical bills; also to help pay the medical bills, my mother, single at the time, and my widowed grandmother lived in the same household and worked full time jobs. It's a good thing that all those women had jobs because my uncle died of complications of the chickenpox at age 33.

beamish said...

I don't know, Z. With the cost of living so high now (certainly higher than in the mid-1970s) either parent "staying home with the kids" these days is a luxury few can afford.

To me, it's a question of necessity. If one parent can foot the bill for the whole family, then there's a choice. For most people, having kids is going to take two incomes to sustain.

Always On Watch said...

With the cost of living so high now (certainly higher than in the mid-1970s) either parent "staying home with the kids" these days is a luxury few can afford.

And the government is loving that!

Leticia said...

As a working mom, I remember bawling my eyes out the day I had to leave my first child, my 2-month-old baby, in a day care. They had him 40 hours a week. I cried for months and resented my husband and MIL, because they forced me back to work.

I fought them, but lost.

I would gone without many things, if I had, had the choice to stay home with my both my babies.

Z said...

Leticia, I was hoping you'd weigh in and I'm so sad to read what you wrote ...but so not surprised that you saw the value in staying home no matter what.

Kid said...


AOW, that explains it. I didn't know any women except single who worked when I was a kid.

The breakup of the family unit is a communist goal and activity from the early 60's - children of the state-hilrod's book "It takes a village". (some commie actually wrote it). I sure don't want 'the village' raising my child.

But you can see them separating the children more from the parents everyday.

This is pure communist subversion and activism.

In my mind, they've nationalized the schools to the extent they need to in order to achieve what they want. Mindless idiots. We're surrounded by them now.

As an aside, I believe social media will take them completely into the communist mindset.

Parents have 'some' control in public schools but it it literally rolling a boulder up a hill. The parents won't win this game.
This comes from current parents and teachers I know.

Z said...

Kid, I hope Pris comes back and relates a bit of HER Parent/Teacher Association problems even 40 years ago! She fought!

Yes, the Communists are winning but she and her friends did fight.
Today, the thought that somebody else will take care of and even pay a lot for our kids' lunches, etc., is beguiling and mothers are just too tired to fight the curriculum, too, because they're working, etc.

Kid said...

Yes, I'll bet she has something to add.

My bosses wife is a teacher. briefly to summarize:
-no child left behind is an abomination. Forced to move the entire class at the lowest speed setting.
- A parent can get a poor teacher out of a school but:
--- it takes a while because the first 4 or 5 communications are simply ignored by admin.
--- the child usually only has the teacher for one grade, so most parent just hope next year is better.
--- the teacher just goes to another school.
Most parents don't have the time as you say.
Many are not even interested.
Many kids in various but usually low income environments come to 1st grade and don't know a-b-c, 1-2-3, red-green-yellow(God, hope that's right) or even know how to spell their name. Sometimes their parents don't either. Lady had kids whose names were Mali and Femali (Spelled male and female) or Quincey (spelled KWNCY)

The libs are creating more of these type kids by the day, exponentially in fact becuase a mother who is paid to pop out 5 girls like pieces of toast, will result in 5 more mothers being paid to pop kids out like pieces of toast into zero opportunity democrat loving dependent environments.

Leticia said...

Z, sorry for the typo or rather missing word.

But yes, for a lot of working mothers, we are NOT doing it by choice, but forced to, due to pressure from husbands and MIL's and even the economy.

I will never get those years back. Someone else saw my baby take his first steps, speak his first words, etc.

It's a horrible guilt I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

And my son paid for that loss as well.

Z said...

Leticia, that makes me feel so sad...I'm sorry if I hurt you with this post. And I hope your son turns out to show you everything you gave him when he's a fine young man with good character.

Z said...

Man, Kid...when a country's kids are sick to the core, we have TROUBLE. I was just watching FOX and they showed kids attacking teachers. And, apparently, this isn't that unusual in some areas.

We're raising animals instead of good kids. And you're right, so many parents just don't seem to care. Because of everything from being too tired, lousy lives, or smoking crack all day in the basement.
Poor do we recover when our kids are so badly SICK?
Thank goodness most of us know great kids. I know several at the school I'm associated with, believe me, but.............

Leticia said...

Z, not your fault, this is a very important issue that had to be posted.

I have two beautiful young men that love me to pieces and I them. Trust me we have made up for lost time. I even have to get my back and neck adjusted after playing with them on the trampoline, lol!