Tuesday, July 2, 2013

News to you?



 This is really very, very clever;

Your Guide to Keeping Political News in Perspective

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. The Key West Citizen is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.


Z:  How's YOUR paper do in your town?

(thanks, Imp!)

23 comments:

Jen Nifer said...

The Dallas Morning News is decent. Texas Monthly magazine, however, is embarrassing.

CnC said...

I never read news papers these days, my news comes from my Ipad.

Rita said...

The Indianapoils Star is read twice a year. But only the two page special pullout section that shows the pictures of ether the drivers in the Indy 500 or the Brickyard so you can cut out each driver, fold them and put them in a hat for the pool for drawing on who wins while you use the rest of the paper to line the picnic tables for the cookout while listening to the races.

JonBerg said...

The Denver Post is a 'House Organ' for every Liberal cause, although it was a good cage liner when I had a parrot.

sue hanes said...


Z - Our newspaper is read by those who have two minutes to spare and are interested in Indiana sports.

-FJ said...

The Baltimore Sun is read by people who own cats and are too cheap to buy littler box liners at the grocery store.

Silverfiddle said...

The Springs Gazette does a good job, as does our small liberal paper, the Independent.

Z said...

well, this is all a little sad and very interesting.
I suppose most papers aren't doing a great job anymore. Or did they?

I only know that papers like the LA Times used to have a great page of Opinion...left side for a leftwinger editorial, right side for the opposite.
that disappeared when they got rid of the great conservative cartoonist Michael Rodgriguez (I think that's his name, it's been a while).


HOW MANY OF YOU STILL GET A PAPER DELIVERED TO YOUR HOME, by the way??



SF....does the 'small liberal paper' actually give both sides? Is that what you mean by 'good job'?

Impertinent said...

@Z:

We still get the Palm Beach ( Puke ) Post delivered. Why? I really don't know. By the time I get to the opinion page...all I get is indigestion from all the whiny libs bemoaning everything logical for the illogical. From gun "control" ( confiscation ) to hate for conservatism, South FlaDuh is a loony bin of liberal transplants from freaking Long Island.

Then there's the Sun ( Scum ) Sentinel...who put the kibosh to their comments section when they realized that most of their readers wouldn't buy the shit they shovel. But they still try.
When I go to city council meetings here in town...all the "journalists" look like they're barely 21!

But...I save some of the coupons and trash it quickly.

dmarks said...

My local paper is so bad that there are pickup trucks all over town with stickers of Calvin peeing on the paper's logo in the back window.

How many of you can say that?

Dave Miller said...

Z, I think you are speaking of Michael Ramirez... but the LA Times slide started way before they released Ramirez.

It was Tribune mgmt that decided the paper needed a softer approach to issues and along with Ramierez, made sure that famed liberal icon Bob Scheer was also released.

You are correct, the Times used to be a place for great opinion from both sides, particularly on Sundays when we would get the 6 page weekly Opinion section.

Bob said...

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is read primarily by their editorial staff, who then have meetings to vote on who wrote the best articles on how great Obama-care is, and how terrible it is that the State of Georgia is run by Republicans.

Based on this self-examination of their product, they adjourn this editorial meeting to return to their mental silos to write more crap that thinking people will not read.

That is why our newspaper has now earned the moniker, The Atlanta Urinal-Constipation.

Law and Order Teacher said...

Z,
Our paper actually underwent a change from a liberal rage to a mildly liberal rag. They are concentrating on conducting government investigations which at times is interesting. They publish columns one left, one right each morning which serves to show the hate-filled rhetoric trafficked in by the left up against George Will, Thomas Sowell, Jonah Goldberg, Charles Krauthammer and Micelle Malkin.

Quite a difference from E.J Dionne, Lawrence Pitts, Robert Reich, Thomas Friedman (the knower of all things, genuflect please) and others. The Dayton Daily News cartoonist is an out and out demagogue who tackles the right with cheap shot after cheap shot.

Even better, they didn't endorse in the president's race. All in all, it changed for the better and tried to concentrate more on "news."

I still have it delivered out of nostalgia for my long career as a newspaper boy who got up at 4am to deliver papers until after 5am. It gave me money and responsibility.

Ducky's here said...

Still mourning the demise of the Weekly World News.

Ducky's here said...

... up against George Will, Thomas Sowell, Jonah Goldberg, Charles Krauthammer and Micelle Malkin.
--------
No hate mongers there. Nothing but good investigative journalism.
Malkin's a regular Ed Murrow.

Impertinent said...

@Ducky"

"No hate mongers there. Nothing but good investigative journalism."

And O'Donnell, Morgan, Maddow, Schultz, Sharp-less, Hayes, Harris-Perry, and that other dipstick Brit...do "journalism' rather than HATE and their damn OPINIONS?


"MSNBC hits 7-year low, lags behind Fox News, CNN"

Silverfiddle said...

Z: Yes, the Indy does a good job covering the issues.

When the disgraced pastor Ted Haggard came back to town (I have never been a fan of his) the Indy did a long profile on him, and I was surprised at how even-handed it was.

Z said...

Dave, so you don't think the LA Times became much more liberal-slanted after Ramirez was let go and the two opinion columns were got rid of? :-)
I LIVE HERE. I am a conservative, but I know fair writing when I see it and I know bias.
The LA Times got dropped by SO many readers that they were literally giving it away at Ralphs every Sunday for a few months and I swear I got five calls a month asking why I don't reup.

Everyone I know got the same calls and we all apparently said "When we can read the paper for NEWS AND NOT BIAS, we'll reconsider."
They have been recently...not great, but better.
I'm sorry, but this is true.


dmarks? Is that a joke, or serious.
And, man, don't you LOVE CALVIN AND HOBBS!? :-)


I have friends upstairs who get the NY Times every day now and save all the crossword puzzles for me....and they put them in a bag and hang them on my gate every Sunday evening..pretty cool, huh?
That way, I don't have to READ IT :-)

SF...that's REALLY nice to know. Bravo to them.

I would SO LOVE to see more unbiased papers; not conservative papers; just give us THE NEWS.
As you all know, I feel the same about the TV news. Who cares what Shep Smith or Wolf Blitzer thinks about anything? Just tell us what's happening.
Let US decide.

Fascinating input, everybody...thanks so much.


Imp: Drop the paper; the indigestion isn't worth the coupons :-)

Ducky, by the way...you'd do well to actually read Malkin from time to time; believe me, she's just as bright as your Frank Rich or Paul Krugman,...at LEAST as bright. She's so angry at what's happening with the Obama thugs that she's too strident on TV lately, but her writing is anything but what you said.
And that lineup is excellent.

Let me know if you EVER come across an article by Will or Sowell that makes them HATEFUL.
good luck.

Law and Order Teacher said...

Ducky,
Hate mongers? Krauthammer, Goldberg, and Sowell are hate mongers? I was fooled. They're opinion writers not "investigative" journalists.

The people at MSNBC are "real" journalists. No hate mongering there.

BTW, Malkin has more balls than any writer in the MSM.

What a maroon.

Ed Bonderenka said...

When the Detroit Freep dropped to three weekly home deliveries of their daily, I took it as their admission that they didn't have much to tell me.
And I was missing 3/6s of the daily comics.
At 6/6s the cost.
That after 30+ yrs of frnt to back reading.

Impertinent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dave Miller said...

Z, no I do not agree... Clearly when a paper loses a lion like Scheer and Paul Conrad, they are saying they do not desire to continue in the liberal mold.

You said yourself that they used to present both sides of the issue.

Now, they are like stale oatmeal. I appreciate that you may live in LA, as I have for 30 years of my life, but that does not devalue my experience, or that of my family, which includes my dads 25 years with them and my wifes 3 years with them.

The Times is a shell of it's former self, doing little or no investigative reporting.

For me, it is not a question of being left or right, but of good reporting.

The decisions of some, or many, to drop their subscriptions, is greater evidence of Americans inability, or unwillingness to consider an opposing viewpoint seriously.

It's as if we have decided that we only want to hear news with which we agree and any deviation of our personal experiences, or opinions, is idiocy.

Impertinent said...

@Dave:

"is greater evidence of Americans inability, or unwillingness to consider an opposing viewpoint seriously..."


Funny...but curiously even the three left leaning rags down here that I mentioned..have a" From the Left and a From the Right" view in their editorial / opinion sections of the paper.

Perhaps the "opposing viewpoint" is just that? Always Just one side.