Many of you have seen most of these but I couldn't resist printing them for today........it's good to laugh.......enjoy!
Church Ladies With typewriters. They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you .
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help .
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs .
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours ."
"A cheerful heart is good medicine...." Proverbs 7:22 And remember, this is serious but strikes me as very clever, too....
Z
20 comments:
Thanks for thkaughs, Z. Those are really funny!
I LOVE bloopers!
Laughter is medicine for both the body and the soul.
I always loved reading church bulletin bloopers. They are so funny.
Have a great Sunday.
Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com
Great Humor! Thanks, Z.
Some of those were pretty funny! :) Have a great Sunday!
"Electric Girdles?"
Even after all these years being married, women's ways are still mysterious...
Thanks for the Sunday morning laugh!
I'm so glad you enjoyed these....they are really so funny!
thanks for coming by, everybody!
Love the old church bulletin bloopers.
They can always bring a sunny smile even when clouds are threatening.
Z - Thanks for these. More than one of them brought a much needed smile to my face. They were all good.
I especially like the one about texting - as that is so dangerous.
Have a great day - Z.
Thanks for the laugh Z :)
Makes me wonder if obama has ever told a joke that didn't involve the death of rush limbaugh...
Has he ever told a joke period?
"Has he ever told a joke period?"
Sure! That he'd be a good president... :)
Kid, speaking of Rush...the fact that the Obama thugs are so specific in insulting the Right by names, "cable channel", etc. is so profoundly sad for our country (I always wonder why they referred to FOX as the cable channel because CNN and msnbc are cable channels, too...now they say FOX every chance they can insult).
Presidents weren't that withering in the past, never insulted the leanings of half of America before so specifically and so dismissively. The big GRIN on his face, as if "you folks BUY that crap?" It never stops from him.
Obama's REALLY lowered the bar in so many things presidential, hasn't he.
Also...I've been thinking Obama got off lucky with the many chastisements he's got from his "you didn't build that' comment because the rest of the statement was SO FAR WORSE..." I'm always struck by people who think, well, it must be 'cause I was just so smart. There are a lot of smart people out there. It must be because I worked harder than everybody else."
That "JUST SO SMART" really reveals a lot about him...A LOT. He's a very small hearted, playground bully-type.
By the way...AMERICANS paid for those bridges, not GOVERNMENT...and I drive the same roads and bridges, and I didn't invent the iPod, so........
??
Z, Yes, a President has Never taken any section of media to task. It's so anti-First Ammendment and therefore anti-American.
obama has never accomplished anything by his own hand. Never worked an honest day in his life, and therefore - Cannot Possibly have the slightest clue what it take to build a business.
And American Business and Citizens paid for All the infrastructure through taxes and tolls.
In the case of Eisenhower, Government Facilitated the building of the Interstate System, but even then "got in the way" by using an 8 inch base for the pavement instead of the required 11 inches, which caused it to require a lot more maintenance.
Outside of that, government only gets in the way of infrastructure projects.
Stopping the building of an important project because a few prairie dogs are in the way. They don't mind moving, really. Probably appreciate the new scenery.
And possibly the Granddaddy of them all:
"After the Sermon, the choir will sing Sleepers Wake."
;-)
~ FreeThinke
So funny Z.
Thanks, I can always use a laugh!
Viburnum, here it is (from my post about 8 down on the book after I'd finally READ IT!)
BOB SMILEY said...
Thank you, Z, for finding my book and sharing your love for it with your readers! I agree that a book like this is long overdue.
If any of your fans want a signed copy, happy to do so via www.dontmesswithtravis.com.
Best,
Bob Smiley
July 24, 2012 11:19 AM
Viburnum...cool, huh? He's actually a writing partner of a dear friend's husband and I hope to meet him some day soon. His site's cool, by the way...check it out! He mentioned my post and quoted a bit from it.
between you and me, there just might be the idea for a new book brewing! I HOPE SO!
And yes, BOB SMILEY FOR PRESIDENT :-)
honestly, V, when you said you laughed and laughed (having read it before I had), I thought "how funny can it BE?" but it is positively HILARIOUS, isn't it? I just burst into laughter at the way he put SO many things..
And the way he skewers Obama, SOros, the VP, etc...and the END? I was worried about the ending as I read...but he NAILED IT, didn't he?! Who'd have thought...?
great book.
I was once told, many moons ago, that if you don't think God has a sense of humor......just look into a mirror!
Ok. Ok. You convinced me. I'd live to have a signed copy but since I bought my Nook glow a few months back, I'll order it on there. So cool he commented on your blog.
Scotty, that's funny!
Rita, I SWEAR TO GOD, you will laugh your head off and hubby will like it, too...and it's pretty profound, really...I can't wait till you get it ! xxx
Interesting post! I enjoyed this.
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