Wednesday, February 9, 2011


THIS is the end of Western Civilization as we know it.  Okay...maybe I exaggerate a little...but on top of everything ELSE, now the Brits are suggesting they teach GAY SCIENCE and GAY MATH?  WHAT?  The author of the linked article (which is short, you MUST read it) is hilarious and makes some of the most humorous, dry comments you'll ever's worth reading the link just for that.  Below, in red, is one of his responses to the class description in black:

Maths — teaching statistics through census findings about the number of homosexuals in the population, and using gay characters in scenarios for maths problems; 
Can’t wait to hear how they explain that gays can’t multiply.  :-)

Other than the fact that we have, now more than ever, pretty darned good proof that there won't "Always be an England", let me know what you think of the author's humor...I loved it!  And, how's about the idea of teaching this way?


beamish said...

City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam

Name: _______________________
Gang: _______________________

1. Dwayne has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money?

7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

Anonymous said...

Gays may not be able to multiply, but Gay Activists sure know how to divide, don’t they? ;-)

This last sentence is a master stroke:

“ ... we can’t wait to see what happens when the United Kingdom’s celebration of the gay community in math, geography and science runs headlong into the United Kingdom’s celebration of the Muslim community in math, geography and science courses.”

The aggressive promotion in school curricula of the folkways and mores of unpopular minorities militantly antithetical to one another should have an explosive impact on any society, n’est-ce-pas? Change will become inevitable, though Hope will surely die.

The possibilities for parody and satire are endless here. So, yes, by all means let’s do away with the bad old discriminatory Establishment by making a sick joke of everything that adheres to the dictates of common sense while doing everything possible to incite civil war.

It’s obvious that what we need most to do in order to make the world a better place is to goad all the disparate factions into cancelling each other out.

Once benighted and accursed humanity has been successfully manipulated into putting itself out of the way, Mother Earth may reclaim her purity, the environment will be saved and all will be well.


~ FreeThinke

Anonymous said...

Great parody, Beamish. Destined to become a classic.

However, you left out the LGBT sector altogether.

1. Harold Firestone put his mascara on in 627 consecutive performances of his Back Porch Song Anthology. He used up 15 tubes of Maybelline during the run. Given that tell us precisely in fractions of an ounce how much mascara Harold used on each eye in a single performance.

2. Marlon Morbido has been HIV-positive for six years. Marlon averages thirteen different sexual contacts each week. In only three percent of these contacts does Marlon take the active role. Fifteen percent of Marlin's passive partners are married. How many sexual contacts has Marlon had since he became infected? How many of these contacts is likely to have contracted HIV from Marlon? How many wives of Marlon's bisexual contacts are likely to get the disease?

3. Marlon Morbido's sexual partners average 11 sexual contacts each week on average. Assuming Marlin was the only HIV-positive contact for each how many gay and bisexual men are likely to have contracted HIV via Marlon's contacts?


~ FreeThinke

Anonymous said...

PS: Before you can properly solve Problem One, you must first ascertain exactly how much mascara is contained in a tube of Maybelline. Personally, I have no idea, so I guess you'll have to write to the company and ask 'em.

Good luck!

~ FT

beamish said...

that cuts and paste of mine above is stolen.

Here's another one:

1. Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math in 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost
of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost
of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the
number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 2000
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish
and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of
$20. What do you think of this way of making a living?

6. Teaching Math In 2010
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El
costo de la produccion es $80.

Always On Watch said...

Makes me glad that I work with groups of homeschoolers.

Always On Watch said...

Beamish's math proficiency exam is indeed a classic.

Anonymous said...


Could we please discuss the pros and cons of House of Representatives' failure to renew The Patriot Act?

Thank you.

~ FreeThinke

Speedy G said...

I've been studying Nietzsche's "Gay Science" for years... look what its' done for me.

*rolls eyes*

Mark said...

How many homosexuals in the UK will be beheaded by the Muslim community in the first year of this curriculum?

How will this affect the administration of Justice in the UK?

If the UK divides the country up according to the percentages of Gays and Muslims (to prevent a massive slaughter of homosexuals) Which percentage would be higher and by how much?

Joe said...

Very funny!

The whole concept is funny!

The article's treatment of it is funny.

Beamish's treatment of it is classic!

Even Free Thinkie's addition (pardon the pun) is great!

Ducky's here said...

Geography — examining the transformation of San Francisco’s Castro district in the 1960s from a working-class Irish area to the world’s first “gay neighbourhood”, and considering why homosexuals move from the countryside to cities

Pretty complex project. Not too many American HS students doing that level of work.

The math example was silly but the rest was substantial.

Or you can just sit in the back of math class in dullards row with Beamish ... 100 mgs of meth will overdose Beamish, how many mgs will he need to overdose all his friends. Ans: 100 mgs

FrogBurger said...

The left ultimately has to change maths. That's the only way the facts, stats and numbers could prove them right for their economic policies and redistribution of wealth. Or redistribution of work hours for the French socialist.

Anonymous said...

Two dyslexic queers bump into each other on the street.

The first one asked the other, "Ouy annwan evah xes?

The second replies, "On I vah'net tog emit.?

"KO," said the first, "yambe emos throte item," and felt.

QUESTION: Can you tell us what they thought they were saying?

~ FT

Thersites said...

If I were to translate, would it reveal my Dyslexia or my sexual orientation?

Anonymous said...


Z said...

"and felt" :-)

Good question about the Patriot Act...I'm going to blog it right now.

I was hoping people'd paid closer attention to the British humor in this piece, which is mostly why I posted it, but you never can tell what lights our ...lights :-)

Leticia said...

Beamish pretty much summed up the whole mess very creatively.

Good heavens! This gay agenda is getting way out of hand!

Anonymous said...

Z, this article is hilarious. I do love British humor.

I have to say though, I didn't know that math, geography, and science, were heterosexual before now. Who knew?

Are gays really this desperate for attention? They're becoming a caricature of themselves.

I'd love to be in biology class to find out how homosexual reproduction is explained, wouldn't you?


RedWood said...

Can't even be a Biker anymore without some risk....

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"

So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous

Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Z said...

RedWood, we must share a friend in common; i just got that in an email!

Pris, glad you enjoyed the dry humor, too

Anonymous said...

That's a cute variation on the Nun and the Cab Driver story, Redwood. Same joke, different setting, different characters.


Thersites said...

I'd have expected the biker to throw him off... ;)

beamish said...

Or you can just sit in the back of math class in dullards row with Beamish

Oh, go crayon up a fridge squiggle for your Mom, art boy.

MK said...

"While this is definitely an outstanding addition to school curriculum, we can’t wait to see what happens when the United Kingdom’s celebration of the gay community in math, geography and science runs headlong into the United Kingdom’s celebration of the Muslim community in math, geography and science courses."

That's the money quote, i can't wait to see that too.

shoprat said...

What else do you expect from progressives? Remember this Common Sense is precious resource so don't use too much of it.