Saturday, February 12, 2011

Some smiles are in order....or watch the NEWS and be depressed!

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendent to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.  He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.  Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand."

Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as some folk think.


Yes, I know..maybe it's in slightly bad taste but I hope you enjoyed it...blame it on my dear buddy Heidianne at Big Girl Pants blog :-)  

Here's another good one:


That one's from another dear buddy, Robert...or Big Bubba!!
happy Saturday! z

24 comments:

The Vegas Art Guy said...

LOL Very funny Z...

heidianne jackson said...

I just want to point out I can make all tge tasteless blonde jokes I want since I AM a natural blonde... :-)

Anonymous said...

Yes, very funny Z.

Pris

Linda said...

Another laugh for the day! Now, just run over to my blog to read about senility!

Bless you, dear Z! Have a wonderful Sunday!

Z said...

Linda, I can't scroll down on your blog to read the whole SENILITY story and I'm dying to! What's up?
other blogs are okay....
can you cut/paste it here for me? :-) Sorry!

Linda said...

A Senior Moment at Church:

A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger
congregation that could pay him more. There is a hush within the
congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the city, stands up
and proclaims, "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new
Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport
their children!" The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says,
"If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his
salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college
education of all his children!" More sighs and loud applause.

Joe Tavares stands up and says, "If the preacher stays I will provide
him with all the wine he wants."

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the
Preacher stays, I will give him sex!"

There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs.
Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 92 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to
side, while his wife replies, "Well, I just asked my husband how we
could help, and he said, 'Screw him!'"

Isn't senility wonderful? Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder
with your hand over my mouth!!

Sorry, folks, but I had to share with you!

Here is the blog post. I don't know why you had problems. I don't think anyone else did.

The beautiful black kids are my son's step-children. When he married the mom, they became ours, too!

Z said...

Linda, thanks for the info about those kids! xxx
and thanks for taking the time to copy/paste...very cute!
I'll try your site later and see if it happens again...I tried about five times, but you never know, sometimes those glitches just heal themselves.
thanks!

Opus #6 said...

Its a slippery slope, Z. Next thing you know, you'll be posting Rule 5.

Linda said...

Z, I don't know what is the matter with my blog. Guess I'd better work on it.

Z said...

Opus, I've got to get with the program !
I almost posted a gorgeous picture of Ginger ROgers because I got an email today of her 'dancing salsa at 92 years of age with her 29 year old great grandson"...except she died when she was 83...BUT, it got me thinking how beautiful she was and I almost posted her.
Rule 5, right? I'm still not REAL clear on it but it does having something to do with posting pretty girls!? :-)

Linda, did you find that problem when you tried it out now??

Layla Elizabeth Gonzalez said...

Thanks for the laugh Z. That is why I love stopping by: I never know what I will find!

Hugs xx

Linda said...

Nope, don't know what is the matter. Can anyone out there help me? The side margins aren't showing up.

Karen Howes said...

Thanks for the giggles, Z!

My favorite lawyer joke though: what do you call one hundred lawyers at the bottom of a lake?

Answer: a good start.

:-P

Z said...

Layla, thanks! I like to shake it up here! :-) Have a wonderful wknd

Linda, let's hope somebody can help. I'll bet it's something easy... but nothing's easy for ME with computers :-(

Karen...I've heard another answer to jokes like that.... "Not enough lawyers!"

Brooke said...

That was pretty good. :)

Anonymous said...

BONSOIR TRES CHERE ZIN.
HI LINDA

I WENT TO YOUR SITE. YOU CAN MANAGE YOUR PAGE VERY EASILY

PUSH ON YOUR SCROLLER BUTTON ONCE AND MOVE YOUR MOUSE

SCROLLER BUTTON IS THE MIDEL BUTTON OF YOUR MOUSE

SAM

Z said...

SAM, we do know how to scroll, but Linda's site is stuck.

..merci beaucoup....mais...tout va bien avec vous?

Anonymous said...

Zin;

Vous n'avez pas compri; il faut appuyer une fois sur le bouton de milieux et relacher et ensuit glisser le souris.

Merci beaucoup zin, personnelement je vais bien, mais on a des executions collectives tout les jours.

SAM

Z said...

Sam..il ne marche pas! j'ai essaye, mais...??


To EVERYONE:

Whoever commented on my blog a few posts down, about the American hero, please know that his mother asked that I tell you all thanks SO much..she's printed out my piece and all the comments...She was so touched that strangers would write such beautiful things.
Thanks to you all from "Rob's" mother. xxx

Anonymous said...

├ža marche Sur FireFox

SAM

Anonymous said...

This just in from the Netwits:

Reality continues to ruin my life.

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair to my enemies?

I'm not stupid. I just have command of a whole lot of thoroughly useless information.

~ FreeThinke

Anonymous said...

It's good to know Rob's mother found solace in the messages we sent her way yesterday. Thank you for telling us -- and thank you too for posting the beautiful tribute to Rob and his family in the first place.

Honest expressions of understanding, appreciation, and empathy may not be able to take away the grief, but, sometimes, they really can make the pain a little more bearable.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for Thou art with me ..."

God is always with us, but it helps bolster the faith if we keep reminding each other of that.

FreeThinke

Ticker said...

Hahaha, a goodun Z and my blond daughter loved it.
Oh and she is a paralegal for a law firm.

How appropriate .

John said...

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'

The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


BaddaBoom...Tata