Knives now forbidden

President Barack Obama has signed into being the NO MORE KNIVES LAW.  He felt he did not need Congress's approval on this because he usually doesn't.  

Because of the terrible incident in the Pennsylvania High School, where 20 students were stabbed, some critically, all knives are now banned.  Parents are up at arms because they feel some knife incidents seriously wounding people don't mean all knives should be banned.  Others, more liberal Pennsylvania folks, feel all knives should be banned because, after all, if it could happen once, it could happen again and, "Knives kill, people don't kill."

Make sure that you don't allow anybody near your cutlery drawers in your kitchen because you'll have to invoke "stand your ground laws" and most states don't have that and then you'll be in big trouble.  Also, at your dinner parties, you will have to serve soft foods that don't need cutting.  You will now have to eat your peas with your fork because that pushing knife you used will be collected with your other carving knives, eating knives and letter openers.  Scissors are suspected to be next on the government's list of weapons they will be collecting.  It is suspected that a large Naval ship will be made from all the millions of tons of metal the government will have after collecting all our knives.  It is scheduled to be named the SS BARACK OBAMA.   And the motto will be "Thar he blows."

There is no way of assuring our country that the criminals will also be turning in their knives, but we just have to count on Mr. Obama and his peoples' promises that once none of us have guns, we'll be safer.   um.......  Well, that's what he says.

Because this wasn't a shooting, the coverage is significantly, truly significantly, less on television and other media, but knives apparently aren't as dangerous...well, they can be, but........well.

Psychologists on the scene are already explaining that something happened in the suspect's life when he was four years old which pushed him to stab 20 people today.  We will hear hour upon hour on the reasons for his having done these horrific slashings even though "knives kill, people don't."  

Everyone from second cousins twice removed of the school safety guard who quit two years to the ex wife of the adult who was stabbed will be interviewed for what they think.  We will be on this so you will miss nothing.   It is suspected that many zealous meat eaters who feel they must have their knives will be buying up Oneida cutlery at a record pace.

This is Z, reporting from Franklin Regional High School. 

z