A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Thanks, Silvrlady!
77 comments:
Dang. All my blonde jokes are naughty. Here's one of the more tame ones:
Three pregnant women, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are all sitting in the waiting room of a doctors' office.
The redhead says "I'm having a boy because his father was on top when we made love."
The brunette says "I'm having a girl because I was on top."
The blonde bursts into tears, horrified.
"I'm having puppies!"
::ducking and running::
Funny Z
Okay, to follow Beamish's lead - here goes
A blonde was pulled over for speeding by a blonde cop.
The officer came up and said "You were going 45 in a 35 mph zone, can I see your license please?"
The driver rummaged through her purse for a few moments and couldn't seem to find anything. Finally she asked the officer "I can't find my license, what does it look like?"
The officer replied "It's square and has your picture on it"
At this the driver exclaimed "Oh, here it is" and hands a compact mirror to the officer.
The officer takes the mirror, glances at it and says "I didn't realize you were a cop, you can leave"
A little stupid but cute ;)
Heeheeh.
Good ones!
LOL, thanks Z!
A good way to start the day! I used to be a blond!
I can't remember any blond jokes this morning. If I remember one, I'll come back!
I didn't take it as 'a blonde joke' per se, but obviously it is...no offense meant at ALL, I thought the punchline was wonderful is all!
Beamish.....geeeeeeeeeeeeeez :-)
Chuck, you're right! But, cute!
Ya, LInda, come back with ANY good joke!
Okay:
How do you drown a blonde? Put a 'scratch and sniff' on the bottom of the pool.
Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence? To see what was on the other side.
Not all forms of humour are "good" things. Some is deliberately meant to be hurtful, via the selection of the subject ridiculed, in this case a white woman.
Freud, Jokes and their relation to the unconscious (1905).
III. The purposes of jokes.
(1) & (2). Innocent jokes; smut and the purpose of jokes.
Innocent or abstract jokes (both are nontendentious) do not have the same meaning as jokes that are trivial or lacking in substance; they merely connote the opposite of the tendentious jokes.
An innocent joke may be of great substance, it may assert something of value. We receive from joking remarks a total impression in which we are unable to separate the share taken by the thought content from the share taken by the joke work.
Where a joke is not an aim in itself (where it is not innocent), it is either a hostile joke (serving the purpose of aggressiveness, satire, or defense) or an obscene joke (serving the purpose of exposure).
The technical species of the joke, whether it is a verbal or a conceptual joke, bears no relation to these 2 purposes.
A tendentious joke calls for 3 people: in addition to the one who makes the joke, there must be a second who is taken as the object of the hostile or sexual aggressiveness, and a third in whom the joke's aim of producing pleasure is fulfilled. When the first person finds his libidinal impulse inhibited by a woman, he develops a hostile trend against that second person and calls on the originally interfering third person as his ally. Through the first person's smutty speech the woman is exposed before the third, who, as a listener, has now been bribed by the effortless satisfaction of his own libido. Thus jokes make possible the satisfaction of instinct (whether lustful or hostile) in the face of an obstacle which stands in the way. The obstacle in the way is woman's incapacity to tolerate undisguised sexuality. This power which makes it difficult or impossible for women, and to a lesser degree for men as well, to enjoy undisguised obscenity is termed repression.
Tendentious jokes have sources of pleasure at their disposal besides those open to innocent jokes, in which all the pleasure is in some way linked to their technique.
Hostile impulses against our fellow men have always been subject to the same restrictions, the same progressive repression, as our sexual urges.
A joke will allow us to exploit something ridiculous in our enemy which we could not, on account of obstacles in the way, bring forward openly or consciously; here again the joke will evade restrictions and open sources of pleasure that have become inaccessible.
Tendentious jokes are highly suitable for attacks on the great, the dignified and the mighty, who are protected by internal inhibition and external circumstances from direct disparagement.
Among the institutions which cynical jokes are in the habit of attacking none is more important or more strictly guarded by oral regulations than the institution of marriage, at which the majority of cynical jokes are aimed.
There is no more personal claim than that for sexual freedom and at no point has civilization tried to exercise more severe suppression than in the sphere of sexuality. A particularly favorable occasion for tendentious jokes is presented when the intended rebellious criticism is directed against the subject himself, or against someone in whom the subject has a share, a collective person, (the subject's own nation, for instance). Jokes that attack not a person or an institution but the certainty of our knowledge itself are called skeptical jokes.
Alinsky, "Rules for Radicals"
5. "Ridicule is man's most potent weapon. It is almost impossible to counteract ridicule. Also it infuriates the opposition, which then reacts to your advantage."
Anonymous, are you kidding? WOW
Good grief, Anonymous, you must be a barrel of laughs!
Lighten up for heaven's sake.
Pris
Don't you mean 'darken' up?
This is VERY interesting!
Having no sense of humor is rough.
I always get the hand stenciled, gold edged "Designated Party-Pooper" invitation.
H
I don't think it's a case of not having a sense of humor.
I think anonymous has a great sense of humor...twisted, but funny.
Anonymous,
All humor is based in cruelty at someone's expense. Otherwise it wouldn't be funny.
No, there are innocent jokes. They just take a lot more mental effort to develop.
The thing that cracks me up about blonde jokes is that so many "blondes" today inherited their flaxen tresses from a bottle of bleach.
Yep, the existence of bleach strips most of the "ethnic" aspects of hair quality from the joke... ???
@ Anon,
Speaking of "ethnic" reference and the topic of your latest link:
I'm thinking some people are not only a little thin-skinned about taking a joke, but also are totally unfocused in what truly should be considered offensive.
Case in point:
Don Imus and his big mouthed remark about "nappy headed hos". Everyone got tied in a knot over "nappy headed", and I was amazed that "hos" was practically a non-issue.
A joking remark made about physical appearance is unforgivable while defamation of character is a secondary point?
I'd never heard of Imus until that incident and and, frankly, have found him to be distasteful. My suspicion is that much of what he jokes about could potentially offend someone.
But it is amazing to me the reason people wanted to burn him at the stake.
As a woman, I suppose I could pitch quite a fit that the man disrespected my gender, regardless of race. It'd raise my blood pressure and draw attention to oversensitivity to been born a girl. Would it accomplish anything positive?
My point is that yes, some jokes can be considered cruel and insensitive. I'm uncomfortable with a lot of the jokes I've heard in my lifetime.
But the reality is that we live in a world where people can be cruel and insensitive.
Is the solution for me to demand that everyone conform to my standard or coddle my insecurity?
Or, should I just grow a spine and act like an adult?
H
I suppose that would depend upon whether "everyone" should have to grow a spine, or just "some people".
I suppose that would depend upon whether "everyone" should have to grow a spine, or just "some people".
My parents trained me in the basics of respect concerning the way I behave toward another person. As an adult, the Lord has taken that a step farther and shown me how deep certain words can cut into a person's heart.
I'm not suggesting it's okay to deliberately put someone down and I tend to be very cautious about the kinds of things I allow myself to laugh at.
But I also recognize that not everyone is me and can accept when someone makes a joke I don't think is particularly funny that it is not necessarily intended to harm another person.
Use of discretion concerning what we say and the ability to "take" a joke are character qualities that must be cultivated from childhood.
We live in a society that is largely populated by adults who still behave like children and tend to have a lot of "school yard bullies" and "crybabies" running around.
There are people on both sides of the equation who could stand to grow up a little.
BTW, Z, I'm not talking about you and didn't find your joke to be particularly offensive. Of course, I could enjoy the punch line without getting distracted by the "blond" reference.
Heather
We should never hurt anybody purposefully...EVER. If this is hurtful to blondes who take this to heart because we can't tease about anything anymore, America's in bigger trouble than even I thought.
If this is hurtful to blondes who take this to heart because we can't tease about anything anymore, America's in bigger trouble than even I thought.
My husband and I, and all five of our children have been quite blond at some point in our lives.
Maybe I ought to cry about how insensitive you are. I'm still hoping for at least a token paragraph in Mark's "Wussification" book. ;)
Seriously, though, Anonymous. If your interested in learning about human nature, I respectfully suggest that you put down Freud and pick up a Bible.
H
No, there are innocent jokes. They just take a lot more mental effort to develop.
Knock knock...
Knock knock...
Nobody answer that!
;)
or answer anonymously... :P
Beamish...knock knock...
never mind, I'm afraid to answer :-)
Heather, wussification is exactly what I mean :-) I have blonde family members, too (Yes, even in an Armenian family!) and they're all beautiful and smart! GO FIGURE!
or answer anonymously... :P
Oh! OK.
Who's there?
ANONYMOUS
WAIT!
Is it wrong to pretend to be Anonymous?
'Specially when it's obvious I'm not...
Maybe I'll just close the door and let someone else get it.
Don't open the door. The flaming bag of poo will go out eventually.
...but also are totally unfocused in what truly should be considered offensive.
Can I ask you a personal question? Did you find the Nappy Head "Robbery" link "offensive"? Do you think the values it represented were worthy of "praise" or "derision".
Now, why are you laughing at blonde jokes instead of deriding "nappy heads"?
Just curious.
5. "Ridicule is man's most potent weapon. It is almost impossible to counteract ridicule. Also it infuriates the opposition, which then reacts to your advantage."
...talk about a lack of "focus".
A more "focused" joke...
A gang banger, wanting to earn some drug money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The banger said, "How about 50 bucks?" The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the banger came to the door to collect his Benjamins. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the banger answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the banger added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Of course, "gang banger" is an ethnic stereotype of sorts as well... so should this fact preclude it's use?
So where are all the "gang banger" jokes?
There aren't any?
That should tell you something about the state of both comedy AND our culture.
Our culture has stoppedsnitchin'... stopped enforcing the borders... stopped enforcing cases of voter intimidation... stopped drilling for oil... stopped founding small businesses... stopped....
Game over man.
Now, why are you laughing at blonde jokes instead of deriding "nappy heads"?
I didn't watch the entire video. The title said enough. If you disapprove of such things, why are you directing people to watch them?
I don't approve of judging a person based on stereotypes and can distinguish between childish name-calling and true lack of character.
Why is it I can be blond, laugh at a blond joke while ignoring the "blond attack" and still appreciate the fact that sometimes people just don't think logically?
And, why is it that I have heard of various black people freely referring to themselves as having "nappy" hair and to each other as "nigger" and it yet bothers them when a white person uses those terms?
People who are looking for an excuse to be offended can always find something about which to be offended.
5. "Ridicule is man's most potent weapon. It is almost impossible to counteract ridicule. Also it infuriates the opposition, which then reacts to your advantage."
...talk about a lack of "focus"
My being honest about why certain jokes are made in poor taste or are poorly received is ridicule?
Huh.
I was only half-joking about being the designated party pooper.
If you had any idea how much I sweat over the ethics involved in much of what passes for "humor", you might actually laugh at me.
:)
Would it accomplish anything positive?
Are you wearing a burkha?
Would it accomplish anything positive?
Are you wearing a burkha?
Are you ridiculing me?
Should I be offended?
why are you directing people to watch them?
There are values that merit derision that hide behind claims of ethnic stereotyping.
There are also "uses" for hateful humour... provided they're better focused.
sometimes people just don't think logically?
You don't think that reverse racism has a basis in self-serving logic? Wow. Naivete on steroids.
Anonymous,
"Snitching?" Who is there to "snitch" to that isn't themselves a running gag?
Do you keep a quota of "offenses?" Okay, blondes and nappy heads are covered, now let's take on people who project Freud's cocaine-fueled delusions on others...
:O
Are you ridiculing me?
In the burkha case, no. I just wanted to point out to you that women's suffrage was not a right conferred upon American women in the twentieth century out of their passive assent to the every whim of early twentieth century males.
now let's take on people who project Freud's cocaine-fueled delusions on others...
Indeed. Lets.
:O
There are values that merit derision that hide behind claims of ethnic stereotyping.
It's possible to recognize the wrongness/foolishness of a value/behavior without automatically denigrating in one's mind an entire group.
Wow. Naivete on steroids.
That does it.
NOW I'm offended!
It's possible to recognize the wrongness/foolishness of a value/behavior without automatically denigrating in one's mind an entire group.
Indeed it is. So why can't Imus denigrate ho's w/o people taking
ethnic" offense? Or are "nappy headed ho's" an ethnic bridge too far, especially if in the case of the falsely accused Lacrosse team, when the stripper "ho" in question WAS actually "nappy headed"?
I have no problem offending both whores and ho's.
Yeah, yeah. Your pimp hand is strong.
But lock up your daughters in burkas just in case. ;)
Of course, nobody should ridicule what passes for culture in this country...
After all, why would we want to encourage our children to reject this kind of "ethnically sensitive" steroetypical behaviour...
btw - I erred on the Imus reference. His "nappy headed ho" remark was directed towards the Rutgers women's basketball team.
He was commenting in the context of their "rough" appearance/ tatto's (in other words, their physical appearance) in terms of something akin to a stratum of society lower than what one might expect from an elite college educated sorority queen.
What IS your point?
Humour has legitimate uses, but let's not pretend that they're all "innocent" and NOT meant to hurt.
Some blonde jokes may be perfectly innocent. Many are not. But if meant to offend, let's try and ensure we're offending the "right" parties... criminals, et al.
...and those that do take offense at jokes on the basis of "ethnic stereotyping" may not be entirely "innocent" either. There are elements in our society that actually advocate and would profit/benefit from MORE "gangsta" activity. It is something that the responsible elements in society should discourage via/targetted "humour".
So why can't Imus denigrate ho's w/o people taking "ethnic" offense?
Inevident statement, especially when you smear it with the scent of red herring that is trying to justify Imus' statement with the non-associated incident of the Duke Lacrosse team's self-inflicted association with a stripper.
Imus (after McGuirk) was referring to a women's basketball team, but...
On the April 4 edition of MSNBC's Imus in the Morning, host Don Imus referred to the Rutgers University women's basketball team, which is comprised of eight African-American and two white players, as "nappy-headed hos" immediately after the show's executive producer, Bernard McGuirk, called the team "hard-core hos." Later, former Imus sports announcer Sid Rosenberg, who was filling in for sportscaster Chris Carlin, said: "The more I look at Rutgers, they look exactly like the [National Basketball Association's] Toronto Raptors."
McGuirk referred to the NCAA women's basketball championship game between Rutgers and Tennessee as a "Spike Lee thing," adding, "The Jigaboos vs. The Wannabees -- that movie that he had." McGuirk was presumably referring to Lee's 1988 film, School Daze (Sony Pictures), though co-host Charles McCord misidentified it as "Do the Right Thing" (Criterion, June 1989).
...followed McGuirk's "bad ass hos" afoul of decency describing them as "nappy headed hos" as if "hos" were interchangeable with "women."
Does anyone really believe the Rutgers women's B-ball team are "hos?" Maybe they is, maybe they ain't. McGuirk and Imus, alone together in a studio bought a cheap laugh for each other. Cute, huh?
I chalk it all up to Imus and McGuirk's perennial attempts to be funny and failing miserably.
IMUS: So, I watched the basketball game last night between -- a little bit of Rutgers and Tennessee, the women's final.
ROSENBERG: Yeah, Tennessee won last night -- seventh championship for [Tennessee coach] Pat Summitt, I-Man. They beat Rutgers by 13 points.
IMUS: That's some rough girls from Rutgers. Man, they got tattoos and --
McGUIRK: Some hard-core hos.
IMUS: That's some nappy-headed hos there. I'm gonna tell you that now, man, that's some -- woo. And the girls from Tennessee, they all look cute, you know, so, like -- kinda like -- I don't know.
McGUIRK: A Spike Lee thing.
IMUS: Yeah.
McGUIRK: The Jigaboos vs. the Wannabes -- that movie that he had.
IMUS: Yeah, it was a tough --
McCORD: Do The Right Thing.
McGUIRK: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
IMUS: I don't know if I'd have wanted to beat Rutgers or not, but they did, right?
ROSENBERG: It was a tough watch. The more I look at Rutgers, they look exactly like the Toronto Raptors.
IMUS: Well, I guess, yeah.
RUFFINO: Only tougher.
McGUIRK: The [Memphis] Grizzlies would be more appropriate.
I'll let the readers judge for themselves whether this was a more "racial" or a "class-based" attack.
Humour has legitimate uses, but let's not pretend that they're all "innocent" and NOT meant to hurt.
Some blonde jokes may be perfectly innocent. Many are not. But if meant to offend, let's try and ensure we're offending the "right" parties... criminals, et al.
Thank you. Of course, not all forms of humor are innocent.
What I was trying to say is that not everyone has the same level of sensitivity to what can be hurtful.
People can be thoughtless sometimes as to how their behavior affects others.
When it is apparent to me that a person is unintentionally telling a potentially offensive joke, it's not too hard to give that person a "pass". Otherwise, I could spend all day angry or depressed about something foolish someone said.
Sometimes, it is appropriate to say "enough", depending on circumstances, but those who tend to be overly sensitive can also learn to not allow themselves to be bothered by every possible verbal assault on their persons.
as for appearances...
vs.
Anon. ...and those that do take offense at jokes on the basis of "ethnic stereotyping" may not be entirely "innocent" either.
As I said. Look for an offense and you'll find one. And yeah. The reason for becoming offended might not be what it appears.
Beamish I chalk it all up to Imus and McGuirk's perennial attempts to be funny and failing miserably.
I think I'll be offended. I feel like being offended.
Heather,
My standard answer is "If you're not offended, f*ck you!" but I'm not actively trying to offend anyone at the moment.
I don't think Imus and McGuirk were either.
Personally, I applaud Imus for getting the Rutger's women's basketball team to take more "note" of their appearances and perhaps seek to emulate a "higher class" stratum of society than they did.
"Authenticity" and/or "the hoi kakoi" are not value systems worthy of emulation for American youth.
Rousseaian/ Rawlsian theories of Social Justice are cr*p.
No, you shouldn't judge people based upon how they look. But you also shouldn't go out of your way to "look" as offensive and out-of-the-mainstream as possible, either... BEAMISH!
I have no tattoos or piercings. I like being out of the mainstream.
Beamish.
I see.
I'd prefer to not be addressed in that manner. Should I work harder at actually being offended?
I don't think Imus and McGuirk were either.
I didn't figure they were, either. I just find the reaction interesting.
H
Repetitive hard work and striving to better one's self impresses others MUCH more than being blessed with "authentic" genius w/o hard work.
Besides, I contend that one cannot become a genius w/o hard work... that the presence of "Good Will Hunting" natural genius among us in our society is more myth and "wishful thinking" than reality.
"F*ck You" tattooed across your forehead impressing no-one other than your cellmates.
I work in an office with a dude that has tats on his face and forehead, down a few cubicles from a Muslim chick in a hijab and gown and across the aisle from a guy with D-cell EveReady batteries batteries through his earlobes.
I'm rather tame, actually.
I'm going to be their supervisor someday, muhahaha.
Speaking of work.
I'd better quit playing online.
This has definitely been an experience.
H
I'm going to be their supervisor someday, muhahaha.
Of that, I have little doubt. Just don't sabotage yourself, please?
I'd prefer to not be addressed in that manner. Should I work harder at actually being offended?
Of course not. It's no fun offending the easily offended. ;)
It's no fun offending the easily offended.
There we disagree... ;)
Just don't sabotage yourself, please?
I walk by my desk everyday.
It's got someone else sitting at it, for now, but it's mine.
"Some blonde jokes may be perfectly innocent."
Who tells blonde jokes that aren't? Or who really thinks because we tell a 'blonde joke' that we have something against blondes?
I'm not looking at all the links, etc, but I read quickly thru the comments.
I'm confused :-)
Brunettes.
It's no fun offending the easily offended.
There we disagree... ;)
F*ck you. ;)
I just mean there's not much satifaction in throwing firecrackers into the chicken coop. I mean, after you've done it too many times. After a while, such things require a virgin audience.
Z,
Have you ever heard of the term "counter-culture"?
That should clue you as to the "origins" and "prevalence" of blonde jokes.
You cannot twist/spin new yarn and weave it until you've first "carded" the wool/fabric of society.
After a while, such things require a virgin audience.
Indeed.
Ciao. :)
LOL
I happen to like Imus and, especially, McGuirk (i wish Beamish would try out at some local conservative radio station to be his town's version of that..the sidekick..he'd be famous in a month, but he keeps ignoring me :-)
Anonymous...I just read better some of the comments and I thought the Rutgers things was RIDICULOUS...ya, it's not nice to call young college women HO's but in our culture, that's like a compliment these days :-)
Someone was behind that..everybody gets SO HUFFY and RIGHTEOUS..and there was IMus, hat in hand, slinking into the house to apologize in front of the Black leaders (don't get me started..)
Blonde Jokes, Black Jokes, Polish jokes (ever met a stupid OR ugly Pole? I haven't).........okay, i get it. it's okay to laugh at blondes but don't laugh at those who make taking offense a hobby.
Well, that's a stretch, but.......it's not a bad point.
Love is blonde.
I happen to like Imus and, especially, McGuirk (i wish Beamish would try out at some local conservative radio station to be his town's version of that..the sidekick..he'd be famous in a month, but he keeps ignoring me :-)
Never really cared for Imus. Maybe it's the turned up collars and kerchief around his neck, like he's auditioning for a part in a Village People video.
But if you, Z, start a radio show, I'll be your sidekick :P
Beamish, when he dresses like that, it's creepy, I agree. But, he usually doesn't!
re the show, don't tempt me...maybe we could do a stint with AOW for a while? :-)
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