My Gay Cousin

You'd have liked him. He was at least twenty years older than I am, and really not a cousin, but in my family, when someone's family's been close to another family for years and years, they get 'family names'. We call the older ladies in those close families "Auntie", for example. You probably have that kind of thing in your family, too, right? Something we've lost in America these days is that kind of respect, but some of us remember, I'll bet. Funny....but I just remembered, his mother was one of those dear ladies we never did refer to as "Auntie"....she was always "Mrs. X...." because she was SO dignified, so sort of 'regal', as well as respected. But, she was every bit as close to me as those "Aunties". When she died, she left everything to her family members....and to me. 3 sterling silver bracelets for me...because I'd loved her and respected her enough to visit her in the old age home she'd been moved to in the last few months of her life. I never, ever wear those bracelets without thinking of MRS. X.

Back to my cousin. He was probably gay. We think. He never talked about it, he never complained about it, he was just a wonderful man, period. He loved the arts, supported young musicians, and sang quite well, too. He was very involved with his church and very much loved by all he knew there. He had a friend whose name I'll also leave out for privacy sake. He was dignified, kind and fun. My cousin brought him to various concerts and banquets, and we all liked them both, though we didn't see the friend too often...he knew when to bring him and when it might not be the best idea. And I'm sure my cousin didn't mind.

This wonderful cousin had a large and loving family and was very good to them in every way....he also cared very much for his friends. He owned an 'ethnic' delicacy/food store, having inherited it from Mr and Mrs X, and worked there all his life, hiring Mexicans once other family members had retired and he was in full charge. When he died very unexpectedly, the Mexicans who worked there adored him so much for his kindness and thoughtfulness to him all those years that they were offered the purchase of the place and they did buy it. I don't know the business details, but that's what I do know. They also supplied the funeral dinner and a recent memorial dinner, on the anniversary of his passing. They supplied it. On them. They loved him that much. They are thriving in this business now. An 'ethnic' specialty store owned by an American-born fellow now owned and run by Mexicans, quite beautifully. The wave of the future? I don't know. But, if it is, I'd say this is a positive wave. A nicer, more productive, family-oriented bunch you couldn't find. And oh, do they appreciate the opportunity their ex-boss and America offered them!

My cousin never marched in a gay parade, he never wore effeminate clothing, he never held his friend's hand in public. As far as I know, he never held his hand in private...how do I KNOW? But, the talk, kind and adoring in spite of the subject, was that he and his friend were 'close'.

With my cousin, it was his spirit, his kindness, and his caring, which will remain in our hearts. I was reminded of him yesterday, when my mother said "You know, I missed getting X's call today......it reminded me of how much I miss him and how good a man he was........with these fires, he'd have called and asked if I was safe. He always called me if there was the slightest thought that something might be amiss with me or my neighborhood..."

That was my cousin. I think he probably took more pleasure in giving me the 3 silver bracelets from his mother than he did being left her estate. He'd been touched that I'd gone to visit her, but really, that was for ME. I loved her and took a lot of pleasure in seeing how much she appreciated my visits.

He lived his life as the man he was, never wearing his preference on his sleeve, always there for us, always respectable, always his very dignified and happy self. Another thing that reminded me of him today is this article at my buddy Clark's blog. It's a piece by another very dignified American, a gay cop commenting on the terrible way other gays are reacting since Prop 8 passed in California. I recommend you read it.

Let's remember that not all gays are unfulfilled, in-your-face, mean, angry or violent...or anti Christianity. For my cousin's sake. Thanks.

z