Saturday, March 19, 2011

Get ready for as REALLY good laugh: They get funnier, keep reading!

*** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.


Z said...

my favorite is the 'fine line between boredom and hunger'! SO true

Dan said...

Number two for me. A nice hearty laugh on that one.

namaste said...

i love #2 and #3. yes, they made me laugh out loud! good stuff, z.

Anonymous said...

#'s 1 to 4 for me as well as 14!

Thanks Z....found the text and have sent it around the world.

Stanley Kowalski said...

...and to think that the beer koozie wasn't invented until the 1980s...

Anonymous said...

Off topic...114 Tomahawk missiles fired at Libya from our ships.

Cost? About a million a piece.

Why? Especially towards a moron who lives in a tent. we have to be involved at all?

Let's see if the French can redeem themselves.

Libya isn't worth a quart of Rheingold beer...which always was the equivalent of a a bucket of piss anyhow.

Me....? I say let them kill each other...leaves us clean...and the "religion of piss"....will have their day.

Of murder and they always do.

Leave American soldiers, sailors and Marines out of this.

Scotty said...

I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Anonymous said... addendum.

When I was in the AF one of my first TDY duties was to Libya.

Way back when. I was there to quell another muslim riot...the one that put that asshole shepherd Quaddifi in power.

Back in 1969. When we thought he was better than the Italians that actually ran Libya.

Truth...Libya was a total shithole it is ( like all muslim ghettos ) now. A complete failure as a civilized country.

Only Reagan knew this too. But...he was as polite as he could be in sending a message to the barbarian muslim...a rocket here, a rocket there.

Anonymous said...

I CANNOT fold a fitted sheet.

Anonymous said...

#2, yes! #4, Yes! #5, buy only flat sheets! #6 Yes! #19 once, then lean forward and pray!! #24, are you kidding?


gramma2many said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gramma2many said...

I had to delete my original comment. Got the number wrong. #24 is the one that got a belly laugh from me.
Have experienced #2 one time in my life, I think:)

Brooke said...

#23, absolutely!

Anonymous said...

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Tut tut! Doesn't this expose a virulent strain of no-so-latent racism here? ;-)

I'm sure the ghetto has many valuable lessons it could teach us.

Perhaps it would have been better to have asked Google Maps how to avoid Smug White Suburbs or Beleaguered Bastions of Plutocracy?

Susannah said...

A lot of wisdom here. #24 made me laugh out loud, though! ;)

(Impertinent, I think I may have to visit your blog!)

Susannah said...

But, of course - "profile not available" for Impertinent...

Z, he's a tease!

Z said...

jen, fitted sheets don't definition or something!?

this was a very hard comment page to respond to because i had to keep looking from your comments to the post! but it was great fun, nice to see your favorites!!'re right :-)
he's a great guy, we email and have for years...from FrontPage Magazine days!

"Anonymous" Lighten up...!! No need for correction, these are fun and not EVERYTHING can be Politically Correct.
That one made me laugh really hard!

Z said...

I have to admit No. 13 really does scare me, you guys, too?

MK said...

11, 15 and 17 most definitely.

namaste said...

oh geez! i meant to say number 13 not number 3. i'm more terrified of losing my documents than in need of more naps.

sue said...

Z - I didn't have to read any further than #2. It wasn't an argument, but I was giving directions and I will never forget that feeling when I realized that I was wrong. Sue