"Oh, the games people play, every night and every day, now..."

Do you play a computer game as if you were an addict?

I do.

My addiction is ONLINE BACKGAMMON. It used to be FreeCell. I had to not only stop playing FreeCell to heal myself, but I had to take it OFF my computer! (well, Mr. Z did...most of you know how computer illiterate I am!). I am not an addictive personality, but that game really got under my skin. I'd get a phone call while at the computer doing something else, and I'd stop everything and turn on FreeCell and play while I talked. I'd play into the night. I'd play during emails. I played way, way too much! HOURS, folks.

"My name is Z and I was a FreeCell addict." I wasn't terrific at it, but I really couldn't stop! I was in a dress shop once and watched a woman playing Solitaire on her laptop. I said "You ought to try FreeCell!" and I showed her how. Today, I think about her and wonder how long it took her to get on a 12-step program. I feel guilt as sure as I'd taught her how to use a needle and syringe!

Now, it's BACKGAMMON. I like everything about it. I even like the sounds (the die roll, the click as you move, the BING! when you've won..). The trouble is the people on the phone chatting to me while I play don't much like it. "What are you DOING? What's that NOISE?" I quickly reach over and kill the sound.."nothing.......don't worry...it's nothing!" and I continue to play and talk.

I never played real,live backgammon much, though I'm from an Armenian family and Armenians like the game. My mother was a non-declared champion in these parts. I say that because Dad and Mom were once at a cocktail party where the game was being played and there was a world champion there holding court. Dad and Mom's friends goaded Mom to play because she is SO good. She won. So, I consider my mother a world champion! I don't play her because she plays for blood. Suddenly, I'm not her daughter, I'm the competition,and she yells the traditionally Turkish dice mantras like "SHESH BESH!" (she yells it pretty loudly...picture a craps player in Vegas kissing the dice and yelling "Come on, sweetie..give me snake eyes!" (or something like that!? What do I know from craps?!) Anyway, that's my mother....."SHESH BESH!" with evil in her eye and lust for the kill in her heart. I THINK "shesh besh" means "Two Sixes", but I'm not sure. I shy away from seeing my mother like that, so we don't play. Plus, it's so darned SLOW to play a real person and roll real dice, and set the game up every time you're starting a new one. Frankly, I don't even know HOW to set it up by hand, I don't know what goes where! This internet thing has taught me to play (very well, I must admit) AND it's taught me that I now have no patience for playing in person with anybody.........do any of us have any attention span left, anyway? At anything!?

There are international BACKGAMMON PERSONALITIES! Honestly! What's shown on each live game is what country you're playing and their level of expertise. Normally, you get about 80% ENGLISH EXPERTs. They're good players, most of them. When you see a stupid move right from the get-go, you just click off because they obviously are NOT experts, they're just having you on. And, of course, YOU are FAR too good to suffer through beginner's play!!

The Portugese, Spanish, Germans and French are EXCELLENT.....and the Dutch, come to think of it. The Turks and Greeks aren't as good as you'd think, considering that's THEIR GAME. Arabs aren't as hot as you'd think, either. As an Armenian, I get particular pleasure from beating Turks. So to speak.

The Chinese and Japanese and Koreans who call themselves BEGINNERS are the only beginners I'll play because they're NOT beginningers, they're INCREDIBLY good. Every single Japanese backgammon player I've played who listed BEGINNER has wiped me out. And, I may not be in my mother's league, but I'm very good by now.

There are pat little phrases that are available to click on; these make some mode of conversation possible between you and your opponent .... IF your opponent's got CHAT "on". It's about half-half on that. I leave mine on, what the heck? Not infrequently, you'll go on line and immediately see your new opponent's said "Nice try". They think you're the dope who was losing to them in their last game and who clicked off because the going got tough. I rarely do that, so it wasn't me! To indicate it wasn't me (and I'm on to your meaning there, wiseguy), I pick "HELLO" from the list and hope they see from that 'naive' (duh!) response that it was NOT ME. I have always found "Nice try" a little shitty, especially at the end of a game if I lost. And, of course, I wish I could write some of those little pat phrases because OH, have I wanted to use some doozies from time to time! How about "You don't have to move the playing pieces off THAT slowly and deliberately, I SEE that you got a double and you're going to win, for goodness sake, you JERK!"

Sometimes, you'll be seduced into thinking the player's a REALLY nice guy. "Hello" (I don't see the need to chat, but okay....) "Hello" I write back. I make a good move and they'll say "GOOD JOB"... "THANK YOU" I feel I should write back. SO, you're thinking "real, (too)nice person here...but are they going to talk or play?".... then you start to win. They click off. GONE. grrrr Some nice guy, huh?

The dialogue line I just don't understand is NICE ROLL. Tell me, am I supposed to say THANK YOU? How the heck can I do a NICE ROLL on purpose? It's not talent, it's TOTAL luck!! Would you say THANK YOU back? I just do that stupid happy face :-) sign to show I'm a nice person but can't think of anything to say back even if I would like to invent yet another pat chat line like "How the heck can it be a nice roll? And it was thrown by the computer, anyway, not ME, what the..?" It's fun.

So, that's my addiction. HOURS playing backgammon. Some of you who email me should understand that I'm not really sitting here just waiting with baited breath for the next email to answer, it's just that I'm here at the computer PLAYING and so I get back to you fast!! I type emails, make a move, read another, make another move..........I've got it DOWN!!

So...TELL ME...........do you play a computer game? Are you addicted?

Z