I'm late two days on my internet provider bill. I'll admit it. I'm two days late (who has time to pay bills? We have a country to save!!) And so we got an email from them "pay up or die". (Well, it might as WELL be 'die', it's the INTERNET!) I just listened to Obama (whose transcript I'm hoping to find from his La Crosse speech this morning which is SO fraught with lies and mischaracterizations, I can HARDLY WAIT to get to it here), and I'm sure Earthlink's in the bag for him, too, so I thought I'd write them this:
Dear Earthlink,
Thanks for your email. Sorry I'm late, but I can't pay.
I'm way too busy with my blog, I have a family, a home to maintain, and tons of obligations outside the home. You don't want me to feel confined or oppressed by having to pay your bill, do you?
I just heard Obama tell America how greedy, thieving, fat cat corporations are rolling in dough so I'm asking you to be a good guy and let this $43.90 slide this month. YOU HAVE IT!! RIGHT? Sure ya do! (As Sarah Palin would say!) Yes, you have it and I'm not in the mood. Problem solved.
Mr. Obama's rich advisors have the money. Could you go to them? They're the ones saying the rich should help the poor (it's 'neighborly', it's 'patriotic'), so I'm wondering if you could write a real neighborly note to, say, Warren Buffet, and ask him to put his money where his mouth is?
And, you know, these bills take a LOT of paper! That's TREES, Earthlink!! THINK AL GORE! Do you know how many trees it took for you to send me this bill? What kind of tree huggers ARE you? Your warning came through an email.... But, I'm only TWO DAYS LATE!! You know how much STRESS that causes you to have to get excited enough about that to bother? CALM down, save a tree, call Warren Buffet. I'm a 'little people', he wants to help 'little people', so let him.
I'm paying your stupid bill. It's bill paying day today (if anything happens to the country while I'm paying bills, it'll be YOUR fault, we bloggers are mighty!). Get out of my space, chill, vote for Obama, with any luck you won't HAVE to bill me anymore after January 2009.....you can just bill the government.
Thank you,
Z
z
15 comments:
Dear Internet User
No, we will not pay. What do you take us for . . . Democrats? You should not have suggested we are Democrats . . . now Hal is angry.
You must pay. You must pay us now. Remember, we are watching your every move. We know how much money you have, and we have your account numbers. We know what you had for breakfast. We know how to repossess your car, too.
We know everything . . . including the fact that this “mustang” fellow is your twin. That’s how we snagged his identification to send you this note.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Sincerely yours,
Comcast
Oh, I love it. I have a story similar to that, but I've got to run now and get a flu shot, and then I MUST get my house in order for company tomorrow, but I'll come back with it.
That would work for me but somehow socialist policies only benefit the politically connected. Obama and his cronies would get it for free and you'd still be paying and heavily censored.
Ask Sky Dayton at Earthlink for a bailout. That's the kind of language big corporate fat cats respond to these days.
Then send an email to Barry asking him to pay it for you, just this once, in the spirit of Socialism. I'm sure he'll be happy to comply.
Dear Senator Barack Obama,
The Gross GDP of the World-- GWP-- Is $65 Trillion.
There is no way in hell, even if every individual, company, institution, corporation and nation emptied their savings and piggy banks, that we can possibly make up the difference between the GWP and the real problem of $80 Trillion Worth Of Derivatives Based On Crappy Debts.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to not try to bailout a mess that cannot be bailed out with all the money in the world, but rather, to plot out a new NEW DEAL. In the lines of FDR, but brought modern, and certainly incorporating much of what you already want to see happen during your Presidency, which is nearly guaranteed if you don't allow this Bailout to pass in any form close to what was foisted on us on 29 September.
We have crumbling infrastructure that needs repaired and/or modernized, we have solar and wind, and tidal, and thermal energy projects just waiting to be launched. We have fiber optic communication and energy transmission lines struggling to be laid. We have depleted land that needs to be restored. Barren wastes to be replanted.
We have inventors with new transportation plans that are begging to be recognized and supported. We have Supertrains chomping at the bit to be freed to carry Americans to work, and to their families.
We have Centralized Energy schemes dying to finally be killed, and replaced with de-centralized solar and wind projects for every home. Privatized Energy producers wishing that they were Publicly owned again, not to mention the customers that wish so more. Airlines desperate to be put out of business. Ponzi Financial Schemes daring you to regulate and smash them. We have American Oligarchs waiting to be bitch slapped. An overweaning Homeland Security Apparatus needing to be made obsolete.
We have thousands and thousands of hungry Americans who would jump at the opportunity to be put to gainful employment for a decent wage in a healthy working environment. Honest farmers praying for the boot of BigAgra to be thrown off their throats so that they can produce REAL FOOD for their LOCAL ECONOMIES. Makers of wonderful and useful products desperate to have the Big Box stores set aside so that they can actually sell their wares in their OWN TOWN again, and not have to compete with cheap, shoddy, poisonous Chinese crap.
We have millions of people desperate for health care that they can rely on, that is guaranteed-- hoping for a health plan like YOUR FEHB, or even Tri-Care, or VA Care. If only they could get out from under the tyranny of this existing carnivorous Health Care Scheme, they could live on their feet again, and pay their mortgage and bills without fear of hunger and illness.
We have proud UNION Workers, trained to create the highest possible quality products, buildings and services, chomping at the bit to once again demonstrate their awesome skills and craft.
You have all this on your pallet, from which to craft an incredible new direction and dynamic for America, and the World.
Please, Senator Obama, the election is yours to lose, but please-- think about the awesome arsenal presented here, that is waiting for you. You have a mission to FULLY regenerate and invigorate this country, set it right, and on a course for ultimate success.
Wall Street is going to tank whether we throw a Trillion dollars to it right now, or not. One month and a week is not going to totally kill us. The markets will not fall so far in that time to be so critical. The FED has $630 Billion to lend in the meantime. We can manage until the elections are through. America does NOT want to throw that make believe, printing press, hyper-inflationary money to Wall Street. Those "Bankers" were greedy, and they failed. In America, we should let greedy criminal failures learn from their failures, but be jailed nonetheless. Hopefully to be reborn as good Humans after their folly. We are capable of forgiveness in that case.
What's coming is going to hurt us all an awful lot, but what we really want -- what we desperately need-- is a Democratic LEADER, who can pick up the pieces, and turn America around again, into a sound, prosperous, equitable, and peaceful country.
THAT is your mission, should you choose to accept it. I hope you do, and I hope you will fight harder than you are now for the opportunity to rise to the challenge. I hope that you take up my challenge. It is fully in the scope of reality, and desperately needed and wanted by America, and Americans.
I want to believe in you. Give me something to truly believe in. America needs a New New Deal.
Thank you for your time, Sir.
Guess I'll just sit back and wait for daddy Obama's government to pay my bills, too. And, I'd like a new house and tuition free college years for my son, a college freshman. He's got several more years to go. And, if he does decide to continue on to law school...
Jeez, G, for a fleeting moment I thought you were turning into a liberal!
Not badly said, Ducky. Trouble is, you've got the wrong man. I WISH I WERE WRONG, trust me, because I believe our ruin is near.
You said "You have a mission to FULLY regenerate and invigorate this country, set it right, and on a course for ultimate success."
Ultimate success in AMERICA is never EQUITY. America recognizes that we are all equal to do with what God has given us...not what the smarter guy next door's given us.
Dems want EQUAL, Republicans want LIBERTY.
YOu add ".. who can pick up the pieces, and turn America around again, into a sound, prosperous, equitable, and peaceful country"
Yes, I knew EQUITABLE would have to fall in your rant. No, Americans don't feel prosperous when the gov't is stealing from us to make it EQUITABLE for the illegals and those who won't work...never feels good.
thanks.
I so enjoy your blog..thanks! :)
I love it Z! Good for you! And I hope you get a new Internet Provider. Verizon I have noted stays neutral! :)
Z,
Great letter. If you listen real hard, you can hear the standing ovation. ZiZ BooM Bah! (applause)!
Dear Ducky,
I realize you're looking for a savior. One who has all the answers, and will take care of you.
My solutions to the myriad of problems you pose are very simple, and do-able.
Outside of National security, defense and infrastructure, my obligation to the American people is to respect their heralded productivity, inventiveness, and ambition to succeed.
With all due respect, it is not my job to take care of you. As you can see the federal government is bloated, corrupt, and unworkable.
It is time for you to learn the power of freedom. The freedom to succeed if that's your desire. You want new energy sources, invest in them, build them. You don't need me to give you my permission.
The oil industry, the autmobile industry began with entrpreneurs who believed in it, invested in it, and built it. That's how it's done in a free market with few constraints.
This will work for any industry, be it energy or health care, no matter the era we are living in. You've just forgotten or gotten lazy. I know, because I haven't forgotten.
I will not enumerate the cabinet posts I will eliminate, it will suffice to tell you I will keep my charge to defend America, and do all in my power as President to keep her safe. I will work with the States, and Congress to repair our infrastructure.
Most importantly, I will recognize there is nothing the American people can't do, if left to their own talents, ambitions, and hard work.
If asked, I will accept your nomi nation, if elected, I will not be your savior, that is above my pay grade, I will simply get out of your way.
Power to the people,
Pris
heh... i hope you sent it!!
you pay that much for dialup... hope not. cos i had no idea earthlink had dsl.
Woot! Go, Z, Go!!!
Incog!!
DIAL UP!? Imagine having a blog with slow dial up!? no way
pay mine for me would ya z!!!
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