Saturday, July 2, 2011

Insults: I love this clever humor and wanted to share.........enjoy!

When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. 

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: 
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." 

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
 
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - 
Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - 
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." 
Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - 
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - 
Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - 
Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - 
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... If you have one." - 
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill 
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - 
John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - 
Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - 
Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - 
Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count 
Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - 
Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - 
Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - 
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has 
Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - 
Groucho Marx

5 comments:

Beth said...

Thanks for sharing, these are great!

Opus #6 said...

Word to the wise, don't upset Groucho or Oscar Wilde. They'll getcha!

I'm hiding this post so my 12-y-o son doesn't see it. He has grown fond of insults lately.

Z said...

Glad you like them, too, Beth!

Opus...that's a 12 yr old son's JOB!! :-)
Ya, good stuff here, and I'm sure a son of yours is bright enough to latch on to any of these and run with them!

LASunsett said...

//"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr//

A prophecy concerning the coming of Obama, no doubt.

Pris said...

Good stuff Z,

As opposed to four letter words, these zingers are actually witty!

I wonder if anyone ever one-upped Winston Churchill.