Monday, June 20, 2011

Paraprosdokian.........these are really good

 This sounds like it's Armenian, but it is not :-)
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or  reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.
My favorites are in BOLD, but they're all good.  Enjoy! z

1. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

2. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

3.We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting  it in a fruit salad.

6  Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then  proceed to tell you why it isn't.

7 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a  train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

8. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

9. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,  they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

10. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

11.. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says  "In an emergency, notify:" I put "Doctor".

12. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

13. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall  of a successful man is usually another woman.

14. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a  parachute to skydive twice. (z; think about it!)

15. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

16  Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home,           even if you wish they were.

17 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

18. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away

19. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

20. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

21 You're never too old to learn something stupid.

CAN YOU THINK OF ANOTHER ONE?
Z
  

39 comments:

Always On Watch said...

Real gems!

I love dry wit and sarcasm.

Thersites said...

It's not orthodox to consider heterodoxy paradoxical, but instead a demonstration of another's stupidity. ;)

Thersites said...

...and no, the above was not an attempt at humour, it was just an observation.

Mike said...

There was the time when Metalica finally won a Grammy Award and Lars Ulrich said: I'd like to thank MTV, without whose help and support...all this was possible anyway.

There's the line in Dumb and Dumber after one of the guys trades the RV for a moped: Just when I think you couldn't possibly do anything stupider, you go off and do something like this...and totally redeem yourself.

And there's the one Z has probably thought a few times: That Ducky is something else. I wish he were somewhere else.

bftm

Bloviating Zeppelin said...

Geeez, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you.

BZ

Ducky's here said...

I've posted on some terrific threads, but this wasn't one.

beamish said...

Fighting wars in Islamic countries will create terrorists among people we shouldn't profile at the airport.

Don't sleep with anyone before marriage, but don't marry anyone that snores.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

One is a mistake, twice is jazz.

nicrap said...

...it's such a great post that I almost read it to finish. ;)

Z said...

You must never spoil your children because you can never make it up to them...

that's one, huh?

Z said...

“I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter.”

Blaise Pascal, (1623-1662) Lettres provinciales.

Ducky's here said...

Whenever Beamish feels blue, he starts breathing again.

nicrap said...

We have all sat a table where we don't belong.

...speaking of which, could that be Ducky's and BD's defense perhaps? ;)

beamish said...

Ducky's craftsmanship is unmatched in the world of mistake making.

beamish said...

Ducky has never seen the one freak on the bus.

Z said...

Does "I'd never belong to a club that allowed me in it" rank as a paraprosdokian?

Bob said...

Does this Rodney Dangerfield joke qualify?

"A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home."

Maybe not, but it is a good joke.

beamish is good at this stuff.

Bob said...

You may be right, or you may be dead right.

nicrap said...

@ Mrs. Z
Does "I'd never belong to a club that allowed me in it" rank as a paraprosdokian?


I wonder what the rules of xenia have to say about it - do we humor the host in everything, or not? FJ might know. ;)

p.s. ...no offense, ma'am. Just being taken away by the spirit of the post. :)

Z said...

nicrap, you and Thersites seem to think my post is rude in some way and I don't see it...it's published for its humor and very clever word plays...

Yes, maybe YOU can check with FJ, or maybe ask Thersites and Speedy G? They could help us get to the bottom of it.

Since when has my blog not been welcoming....think I'm XENIAphobic? :-)

nicrap said...

...au contraire, ma'am. It's a fabulous post.

...and I am sorry if i caused you any offense. Please do not think wrong of FJ for any lapse on my part, even though unwitting. I beg you to delete all my comments, or allow me to do so.

I will take myself off now. :)

Z said...

nicrap...WHAT? don't take ANY of the comments down.
I just read my comment and it sounds stern but wasn't meant to be, honestly! I love the interplay with you. I kind of liked XENIA PHOBIC, no?!! :-)

I'm glad you cleared it up and, as you know, you are always welcome!

but I did think Thersites wasn't happy; I guess I mistook his comments!?

nicrap said...

...so, can i I now officially say: Don Giovanni! a cenar teco m'invitasti? ;)

...I am sure FJ is the right person to answer your other question. :)

Z said...

You are ALWAYS invited to my table :-)
Could you ask FJ? thnx!

Z said...

have to go..will be back soon xx

nicrap said...

@ Mrs. Z
I kind of liked XENIA PHOBIC, no?!!

...A deft touch, indeed. :)

-FJ said...

You overlook a salient fact in BD and ducky's reception, Nicrap. Neither of them has a lame foot, whereas most of the rest of the commentators here are all "blogged up".

Gypsy's are often treated differently from their "neigh-bors" for good reason. They seldom volunteer to "pull the farmer's wagon" and like renters (vice owners) of property, they are less "invested" in intellectual reciprocity.

As for myself, I'm a f.i.g. burner with no respect for property, even my own.

Impertinent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nicrap said...

@FJ

...apart from the fact that the post was about Paraprosdokian, and my first two coments were but attempts at it ... would you that we set up a commission on the matter of Ducky's and BD's blogging rights?

Thersites said...

I'd willingly post a Socratic bond for mr. ducky... but I doubt there is need. Ms. Z knows him perhaps longer than I do.

...and I'm afraid I don't know Bd sufficiently to place any capital at risk.

Sorry.

Thersites said...

Gotta maintain a Nash equillibrium. ;)

beamish said...

You can't fix stupid, but taking a hammer to it is reliably gratifying.

nicrap said...

@FJ

...yes, especially if that does not upset the boat. ;)

Z said...

Thersites: "so, then, one is responsible for ones own happiness." caught my eye in your post because I heard a sermon yesterday (maybe the best I've ever heard) where "we invent happiness" was said...quoted from Nietzsche....wow.
I know I'm changing the subject big time, but it REALLY hit me that we are NEVER happy without intimacy with God but we invent all kinds of things we hope will make us happy...the speaker used CS Lewis, Socrates, Nietzsche and others..so appealing to have philosophy and literature brought into the mix.
I WISH you could have heard that talk...

FJ...good point about lame feet.
This is why I don't want people here who use geeeZ as a place to spew liberal opinions with rudeness and smugness...it's OVER.

I don't mind when people come and talk and argue with civility, or even uncivil when both are mature adults and can argue without too much 'below the belt' or too much INSISTENCE that I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG, but I'm not having the liberals with no blogs here anymore as long as they come off as they have; I didn't build Geeez to have dopes come and slam my readers, conservativism or Christianity.
Let them get their OWN venue.

Thersites said...

@ Nicrap

I'm a right wing troll, Nicrap. I destroy left-blog readerships for what they do to my friend's blogs (like Evan Sayet's). It isn't fair, it isn't "just". It just "is".

Brooke said...

Very good stuff. :)

Ducky's here said...

If you party with Farmer's multiple personalities does it count as an orgy?

nicrap said...

@FJ

...Call me Ishmael. As I may be the one who will tell the tale when all is over. ;)

Z said...

"Call me Ishmael. As I may be the one who will tell the tale when all is over. ;)"

that's scarier and truer than you even think.

-FJ said...

@ Nicrap

I always enjoy a good Tale of a Tub. ;)