Tuesday, January 26, 2010

You don't have to be a musician to find this funny.......

.....but it helps! I know some of my readers fit that bill (pardon the pun!)... Enjoy!:

You know you're too old to play gigs when:

1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp
2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.
4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub
5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your playlist
6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie
7. You lost the directions to the gig
8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings
9. You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage
10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
11. The waitress is your daughter
12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers
13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats
14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case
15. You refuse to play without earplugs
16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30
17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig
18. Your gig stool has a back
19. You're related to at least one member in the band
20. You don't let any one sit in
21. You need a nap before the gig
22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lay down
24. You prefer a music stand with a light
25. You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon
26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.....
27. You buy=2 0amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool factor.
28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the bar 'cause they're younger than your daughter.
29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location ...
30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it.
Aren't those GREAT? :-) I'd like to add I played for the Fifth Dimension at a private party when I was very young and my band set my piano bench on ROCKS in a rock garden; you haven't lived till you're balancing yourself and playing and your mgr asks YOU to sing "Up Up And Away" for the FIFTH DIMENSION (I told him to that would be like asking me to sing PEOPLE for Streisand and told him NO!) I also once took an acoustic piano to a gig and was in the back of a pick up truck with a friend holding it still so it wouldn't go TOO far out of tune....Oh, the younger days!!! Got any stories like that, musician pals?
(Z: and yes, posting this was also a real good excuse to have a picture of one of my favorites, Leon Russell, on the blog)


Ducky's here said...

Well, there's the story about the time my Uncle Tommy bought a very young Barbara Streisand a drink and asked her to sing at his wedding ... my uncle's a cool guy.

Debbie said...

That's great Z. You know the sweet Grouch plays in a band, I'm going to forward the link to him.

Balancing on rocks and trying to play? Oh my. The Grouch's band played on the back of a tractor-trailer flatbed once and on the back of a trailer once.

Right Truth

Z said...

Debbie, that's exactly why I made sure you saw this, I knew you guys would like it!
Oh, yes..balancing on rocks...
And holding a piano still with your feet against it ON THE FREEWAY!
And, as you probably know, the keyboard/singer gets to carry wires and cords and you name it!!

But, it was ALL great times..or mostly! Mostly, actually, it was trying not to talk to the waiters if it was a restaurant, etc. because we weren't UNION :-)

Anonymous said...

Well Z, this is out of my league. The only gigs I ever had were PTA skits.

I did sing one line in one. I stole it from Dean Martin: "A fella needs a girl to sit by his side, while his wife's at the PTA"

That's my claim to PTA fame!!! Ha, Ha.


Steve Harkonnen said...

True story. Our singer just this past friday night forgot he left out his mandolin and violin and he ran over them!

Z said...

maybe I'm the only musician with a sense of humor.
Who knew?

Steve....how awful

Faith said...

I'm no musician but any of us over sixty ought to be able to see ourselves in this.

Z said...

And LAUGH, I'd have ASSUMED, Faith! :-)

Faith said...

Oh for sure, LAUGH. It's funny how decrepit we're all becoming. I couldn't even make it to the gig if ya wanna know. And if I did I'd fall asleep in the middle of it and fall off my stool.

Z said...

Faith, that REALLY made me laugh! :=)